Sexual Attraction… Prejudices.. Boundaries

Every culture, every ethnicity, every nationality have their own common traits – positive and negative.  None is exempt.  Yet why do we ‘judge’ and ‘label’ or ‘name’ people according to their race, ethnicity, nationality, experience, career etc?  Yes, in the Christian religious culture, we have our labels where one label is to show that person is promoted with respect and another label that is for those who should be trod on or rejected.

God has been truly working with me, rebuking me for my prejudices against people.

He brought me here to Sri Lanka and showed me how ‘cultured’ our so called ‘cultured’ brown men indeed were.  This applies to India too! Can a female – regardless of age, complexion, appearance, size etc etc walk on the road without any sexual harassment?  Women are treated as sexual objects making them feel cheap as if they are meant to be used as a commodity.

You can just see the drool or the hanging tongue of the average man (majority but thank God we do have a respectful decent minority of men too) looking at a woman, the man who doesn’t even care that he may run over the woman on the road as pausing his vehicle blocking her path to perve is more important than her safety.  It’s about her looks.  Oh she’s hot – she’s hot because she wants us to look at her.. she’s hot so she must be a porn star… She’s hot – that means she wants us to use her. Trust me though, the more the conservatively and ‘modestly’ the woman dresses the more the intensity of the abuse she goes through.  She is followed, pinched, brushed against etc as the pervert perceives that such a woman is so submissive, taught to not speak up, and thus will endure it and perhaps even enjoy it as she is ‘hard up’.

Any time I encounter any of the above (which is the majority of times) is when I long to be back in the West, where a woman was respected.  A look from a man was with admiration making us feel beautiful and not vulgar “i’m stripping you down and making out mentally” making us feel as cheap women.  Yes there are incidents happening there too but frequency wise it’s nothing compared to the occurrence here.

Yes, i do have some physical contact with rigid boundaries when I’m dating as I believe you can understand much about the nature of the guy from that – is he respectful of your boundaries, is his touch aggressive and lustful or is it gentle and loving… the list goes on

Then you have the guys who ‘show’ interest to seduce you and only to walk away after they have got at least somewhat of their goals, saying that it won’t work for whatever reason.. and later they come back and expect you to continue on with the same type of relationship in the past but as friends!  They just don’t get it that they are making the woman a commodity.  And the sad part is all these guys are those who call themselves Christians too, in ministry, in charity… yet their behavioural patterns remains the same over the years.

I know girls (myself and my friends) who have repetitively experienced this feel that they have failed.  Yesterday I had a couple of such ‘returns’ in my life and I was so torn emotionally.  I know I’m decent in my ways, .   I thank God that God has preserved me all these years and kept me intact.  Yet why do these men take girls of such virtue as targets?  What is it that we are doing that leads them to do so?  I was so torn and distressed and God spoke to me.

He reminded me that men of the flesh (not those who are walking in Him) want the trophy not the commitment.  The ‘good’ girls are the ones who are a challenge to them – it’s not something that the girl is doing but it’s the heart of the guy that makes him keep coming back as it’s his vulgar mind that is drooling over the girl.  God assured me that these guys will have to answer to Him for putting such girls through such trauma… the trauma of fighting further temptation, the trauma of falsely being led to believe that they are loved but only to be abused and thrown and then come back to try to pick up the commodity to use again… for treating HIS precious daughter as one without a heart and a loyalty to God.  Every traumatic heartache that these guys put such girls through, God will indeed hold them accountable.

If you are a guy reading this, and if your character echoes with this, kindly spend time with God asking Him to search your heart and allowing Him to lead you by His Spirit, so that you will NOT conform to the ways of the world.

If you are girl reading this, and your heart cries and says that is me God, yes, I am feeling dirty and cheap.. even though I’m trying in my limited capacity but with You at my side to fend them off and it’s getting way too much for me to handle… remember God will fight for you!  God knows the times you slip because you are one who is unable to say NO, unable to speak up clearly and honestly.. because you don’t want to hurt the other person or ‘judge’ the other person in case that’s not what he is trying to do.  Remember if you are feeling uncomfortable then that is God warning you… the guy with the wrong motive will not accept it, but you go with your gut feeling. Ask God for wisdom, discernment and strength to speak up and say NO.

Saying NO has always been my greatest difficulty.  God has been teaching me to learn to say NO not only in the above but starting from other areas of life, especially in pleasing people.  You will often find that people who can’t handle your NO will walk away as they have some issues they need to deal with although they won’t accept it.  Let them walk away… Those who truly love you and care about you will stay by your side, even though they do not understand your NO.  Accepting what matters to you is what love is all about.

God sends us out like SHEEP amidst WOLVES telling us to be HARMLESS as doves but as SHREWD / WISE as serpents.  We don’t harm others but we don’t let others harm us either.  Loving others is to be done as ourselves.  We can’t love others if we don’t know how to love ourselves.

Jesus rebuked the religious leaders who were self righteous (publically conservative) and proud hearts as hypocrites, brood of vipers and dogs… but He embraced the sinners with repentant and contrite hearts, hearts that were broken with the need for HIM.

God sees the HEARTS not the appearances.  What is God seeing when He sees you? An outwardly self righteous pharisee or a sinner with a broken heart that longs for Jesus to set free?

With true repentance comes change at least gradually.


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