This is a tug of war of my heart at present… It’s easy to let go of the what we perceive to be the bad things, the evil things, the wrong things.. But what isn’t easy to let go of the GOOD things which are not GOD things… And sometimes our choice friendships form a big chunk of the good not God things..
The longer the friendship has been, the harder it is to walk away.. I’m not talking about dating or courtship type of friendship here. I’m talking about friendships with people that we have maintained for many years. It’s easy to walk away from those who are outrightly abusive or evil. Yet what is hard to close doors that seem to be good but not of God. Don’t take me wrong, they may have been of God for a time and a purpose but they could have now resorted to simply ‘good’ not God.
There has been such a struggle in my life.. I have been realising for a long time the distraction for wanting approval from this friendship I have valued over the years. She has been there for me a lot.. However, I have realised that often her responses to some of my concerns of not being in God’s will have been contradicting what God was calling me to do. There was a time and a season where I did walk away from her… after explaining my predicament. Yet I resumed my friendship with her and hoped that things would change.
However as the months turned into years, I noticed the intensity of her reaction was getting stronger. Then I realised that she would snap at me in a rather religious self righteous tone, “I can’t see why you can’t do that” and I would also think, ‘ya she’s right’ forgetting it was contradicting what God had told me to do or what God was doing in me or through me. Her focus was on doing right by people but God had been trying to teach me that He works in ways completely different to that, we need to discern His plan which can only happen by NOT conforming to the ways of the world.
Recently I have noticed I have been able to say ‘NO’ and do what I believe is of God… and as a result I have been seeing more snapping and cutting me off half way of what I’m saying. I also began to sense being treated like a child who doesn’t know anything, under valuing all the time I spend at God’s feet… even a little doubt that there was spiritual jealousy began to nag me. But yet, I just put it down to her going through a stressful time. Yet every conversation with her led me to being agitated..lack peace… negativity.. I also realised I had to be extra cautious in what I do share with her as her defending the other person who is hurtimgs me intensified with my emotions and feelings amounting to being uncalled for. It had been happening all along but now I began to see the increase of it, like I was supposed to be hurt and let them do it.
The last few weeks, whereever I turn, I seem to be seeing words of prophecies confirming the conviction of what God is saying. Yesterday this was the icing on the cake:
The first step to closing negative open doors in your life is to recognise that you have them!
– Dan Lee.
I saw stars – I had just shared a few days ago with another friend that at least I’m now realising the pattern and recognising my healing, in learning to love myself too and of course learning to safeguard what God has imparted to me. God speaks to us FIRST about what He would want us to do.
I commented on Dan Lee’s FB status of the above quote, and he replied:
Even friendships can become toxic over time. You either need to purify it or need to let go
– Dan Lee.
Yes.. that’s what had happened.. it has become toxic over time. It happens so subtly that you don’t really realise it.. and not everyone who loves God is godly either. There are people with whom you can TALK.. and when you ‘talk’, they LISTEN – not listen to hear it with one ear and let it out the other but listen to mull over it. They may be defensive at first but little by little you see change taking place. Being defensive is often a natural instant reaction…
However, there are those who just cut you off when you attempt to speak to them. With such people you can’t purify the friendship but you just have to let it go.
As I began to reflect on the years of friendship, I recognised the negative open doors opening wider and wider… I realised that a lot of the delay in breakthrough in my life was seeking her approval and responding to her snapping even though it was opposite to what God was saying. She would focus on the ‘good’ of each thing but I know God has been teaching me for years, when you take God out of GOOD you are left with O (nothing). Now I realised that the snapping was a means of control and I had been falling for it.
The moment I began to say NO to her snapping responses and stood firm, I noticed many of the things that I was supposed to be doing began to get completed or breakthrough happening.
We can love God and do things out of a legalistic approach. However, if we sincerely love God, legalism will fly out the window and we will live for the moment being led by the Holy Spirit. Jesus tells Nicodemus that the Holy Spirit is like the wind – we don’t know which direction it will come from or go to.
Live at peace with one another as long as it depends on you. If you are getting agitated by a friendship – then perhaps there is something within you that you need to deal with, that you know you are being convicted
of doing something that is not of God
not doing something that is of God.
Ask God which one it is and respond swiftly.
- If being at peace with the other doesn’t depend on you, if they refuse to talk about it, then walk away..
- If being at peace with the other does depend on you, that you are the one who refuses to talk about it because you are being defensive and it challenges you, then you need to seek God to search your heart. You can keep running away from God like Jonah did but it will catch up with you sooner than later – or if it’s later, it can cost you your intimacy with God and miss out.
Surrender to the Holy Spirit’s leading right now!