Back Ache – Days of my journal!

So I pulled my back again.. yes again!  With sheer agony and pain, I have been grounded to be still.. but the restless me is protesting too much.  (Which makes me think of my British journalist friend who keeps quoting that to me in his emails – ‘the lady doeth protest too much’.. Well I guess he is right!).

I had injured my spine years ago.. and I know I have to be careful in the way I carry things and that I ought to squat and not bend etc etc.  More often than not I end up getting into a squabble with the cashiers at the supermarket who think they should dump everything in ONE bag being effective.  I try to tell them to spread out the weight into two bags – and they dump the heavy stuff in one bag and the others in the rest!   These are times when I forget to take my shopping bags with me!  They simply don’t understand the impact of health hazards…  I try to explain to them that I have a bad back but that simply goes beyond their heads.

I have another problem – I am pretty much independent and I guess due to the amount of physical violence I have faced in my life- in my past, I’m pretty tolerant to pain too.  Having lived alone for over a decade has also contributed towards the need of being Ms Do It All Yourself.  I struggle to ask for help and of course in this rat race of a life and their own priorities most people don’t have the time to help EVEN if they would really like to help.  There are many who are caught up with amazing work of public charity.. so they don’t have time to help others around them.

So back to the current scenario!

I needed to buy the printer.. and I knew it was going to be heavier than what I should be handling.  In fact I had asked someone whom I didn’t know personally to get it for me as the cash was coming through that person but from overseas. This contact agreed to do so through his office staff but was procrastinating and I had no idea when that help would happen and that if at all!

I finally asked another friend if I could get help with the vehicle and driver to pick up the printer.  Thankfully that worked out.. However in my stupidity and stubbornness in refusing to learn a lesson, I decided to run ahead to the shop, get the printer and wait outside the shop on the road for the driver so that he doesn’t have to find parking on those one way roads.  I suggested that to my friend and didn’t get any reply so I decided that was the considerate thing to do.  Now I wonder ‘considerate’?

I made the purchase, the sales person put the printer into a CARRIER bag – not even a thicker type – and gave it to me.  For a few moments I pondered on their stupidity and thought I should throw the bag away and carry the box with both hands as provision was made at the sides of the box to grip.  Then I thought they can’t be that stupid, that it should be ok to carry it in this thin bag.. I made a quick decision and thought it was just a little distance to get out of the shop, into the mall and onto the road.  It can’t be all that bad right. In addition to this, I also had a ream of paper that I had ‘won’ at the shop thanks to a scratch and win card.

I’m a strong girl right.. I carried it all and went to the road and waited there for the driver.  All hunky dory.. brought it home.  The next morning however my hip just went stiff left right and centre.  I was crying to get out of bed as it took a good 10 minutes each time..  I knew then that it was my sheer negligence of myself, wanting to not come across as a sissy at the shop, not wanting to bother friends too much, wanting to do it as much as possible myself.. and not being careful..  I got the reward of it.

It’s day 3 today and it’s not as bad as day 1 but I still can’t put weight on my left side of the hip and I am left handed.  Even as I sit and type this, I’m leaning against the wall with a cushion supporting the weaker area.

God hasn’t created us to look out for only ourselves..

we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love – Ephesians 4:15-16

Jesus defines family as those who hear God’s Word and put it into practise.  However, cultural values and world trends have taught us not to oblige or bug others and being smart is being independent.

Yet, the Bible tells us:

Let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith Galatians 6:10

God has been taking me along this faith journey to change me.. and yesterday with many tears and regret, I realised that I still have a long way to go in passing this lesson..  Yes, people have called me a beggar and lazy for my choice of life and think I don’t deserve to be helped.. but I am well aware as to what God is doing in me and through me.. and it shouldn’t matter to me if others don’t understand.  I still have the issue to some degree of wanting the approval of those close to me.. but their approval or disapproval will be based on their perspectives, not based on what God is teaching me.. So all this shouldn’t stop me from being who God wants me to be – a part of the Body of Christ to be interdependent on each other and dependent on HIM.

And once again God reminds me,

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect – Romans 12:2

In the term ‘world’ also includes patterns of the world, ways of culture, families, traditions etc… Being a believer begins with UNLEARNING what we have learnt from man, so that our minds can be RENEWED with the things of GOD.

More in the next post – IDENTITY.

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