Sometime back, I saw a post on FB saying something along the lines of the following: Apparently,
Men forget but do not forgive, women forgive but do not forget!
I thought about it and instantly a few memories of my own life popped into my mind ‘validating’ this ‘fact’. Well of course, everything is generalisation in life and there are always exemptions to the rule without a doubt.
Recently I was watching The War Room movie. When I saw the husband weeping and asking forgiveness from his wife and then his daughter, I recall thinking (yes I admit I indeed thought this) “Wow, imagine a guy doing this in reality!”. Now as I set out to write this blog post, I realise that in my perceptions at least, I do find this quotation generally to be true. Yes, I believe as always there are exemptions to the general trends and I seek pardon from those who are indeed godly men who can humble themselves and now I continue plodding along the generic road of life full of pot holes and what not!
A man asking for forgiveness, a man who can say sorry is indeed a rare gem! It is possible that it is his pride that keeps me back, but follows the fact that he cannot easily forgive. Thinking out loud, I wonder whether men have a higher rate of cancer than women. Why do I wonder? Well it is said that bitterness and un-forgiveness are also causes of cancer. So I set off to search the web and presto, what do I come across!
Women are relational oriented so even though they can ‘never be wrong’ they still tend to bend over backwards to make a relationship let alone a marriage work. They forgive as the bigger goal is the relationship. Yes, they are nurturers so they don’t easily forget. This is what helps them be instinctive to nurture their off spring.
Forgiving means letting go of all ill emotions towards the person who wronged you. It means being able to pray blessings over them from the bottom of your heart and even helping them if it is in your capacity to do so. Forgetting all what transpired is foolishness in one sense as it would mean allowing the person who wronged to repeat this with you and others, it helps them to feed into their sins and weaknesses. Is it of any wonder that Jesus tells us to be harmless as doves and wise as serpents. Forgetting will not help us build one another up. Forgiving sets our hearts in the right frame of mind, to be able to be free!
Women tend to ‘never be wrong’ because they have that maternal instinct which makes them good readers of body language which apparently men are lousy at! In that sense, when a man’s body language and words contradict or conflict, they will then ignore what is being said choosing the non verbal communication. Are they jumping the gun? Well, only 7% of words make up communication. The bulk of communication is made of the non verbal communication such as the body language and then the tone of voice too.
Women need to talk things out and that tends to help her deal with the issue on hand and then move on with strength and do what she needs to do. She doesn’t want or need advice at that ‘talking things’ out stage but just needs a listening ear. It helps bring clarity to the situation and get rid of all the negative emotions. Relationships are priority not pride.
On the other hand a man tends to run into his ‘cave’ and solve his problem. He tends to not want to talk and he shuts others out. Once he has gotten his solution he strides out again forgetting there was a problem. Men tend to be task oriented so they forget the actual problem as that is now solved. Yup they forget.. but the lack of un-forgiveness tends to breed within them and can erupt in some other form at some later date just like a volcano and then there is no stopping the running hot lava. The source of the eruption is now misplaced. Those who don’t explode tend to experience the negative emotions as health issues. After all we are body – soul – spirit people and one affects the other. A lot of health issues aren’t physical but rather symptoms of issues in the emotional or spiritual realms.
Yes, those were general trends and ‘wisdom of men’, the findings of mankind. However as believers God over rules patterns and trends so it’s not all boxed in anymore. Yesss.. We have HOPE.
God calls us NOT to conform to the patterns of this world! Believing men do not and should not let pride be the governing factor of their lives… After all, pride does come before a fall right?
No matter what we are taught or accustomed to – whether it be world trends, culture, family traditions, sciences, theories.. we can throw off the chains! We need to ask God to help us throw off the chains and be led by the Holy Spirit to walk on the narrow path. Thankfully Jesus’ work on earth has opened the way for that intimacy by cleansing of sins. Now we do not conform but rather thus transform by the renewing of our minds and know God’s perfect and pleasing will for our lives.
RE-NEW is to make things new, not continue on with life the way we were before we embraced Christ. To me renewing our minds is pretty much like doing a re-formatting of a computer. The operating system remains but we need to then re-load all the software and programs and data all over again.
So yes we RE-NEW and then that sets off the process to empty our minds and hearts of all the hurts, bitterness, grudges, un-forgiveness and unnecessary baggages, to forgive others as God forgives us and to live at peace with one another… We are then in the restoring process where we can indeed LOVE God and reach out to one another with forgiveness and not forgetting.