Yesterday… a day full of MIXED emotions! Tension yet excitement, nervousness yet joy… I had butterflies in my stomach and it doesn’t help that I’m camera shy.
Besides, I’m overly conscious of my deep set eyes, the dark circle appearance caused by that and the way it hides my natural eye colour making it appear dark brown almost black. Very rarely do photographs capture the brightness of my pupils. Shadows fall on it making the dark circles look darker. So I really don’t like portraits. I braced myself to throw my vanity outside the window.
Oh the next hurdle magnified itself. Apparently the same photo has to remain for consequent projects too for the purpose of branding and familiarity. This fact certainly didn’t help to consume the mixed platter of emotions.
Then I was nervous about what the photo shoot is for. Laying myself bare to the world so to speak isn’t easy. However I felt God leading me to do so. With the desire that somewhere out there, in the midst of the critics and the gossips that some hearts will be touched, I finally yielded to His prompting and no, I had disobeyed Him for a few years before finally relenting.. I guess I did run away like Jonah did and finally the big fish swallowed me! Let’s hope I don’t end up in a huff and a puff like Jonah did at the end of HIS story!
I had desired an outdoor setting for the photo shoot. Not even 3 clicks later, the skies decided to open up. What started with a drizzle within moments ended up pouring. Re-locating shielded away from nature back into man-made premises, the shoot resumed. The photographer was really good at making me relax and got me laughing within a little while. I walked out of the session feeling happy that finally the camera shyness was replaced by being at ease. In fact I may have even had a skip or two in my steps!
Later on I asked a close friend of mine whether he had had time to take a look at the manuscript. The reply from this avid reader wasn’t what I expected and that totally weighed me down. In fact he had glanced at it and hadn’t even felt like reading it as the style wasn’t to this individual’s liking. My negative emotions began to set in all over again but with deeper intensity feeling like a failure… wanting to throw in the towel.. doubting whether this was indeed God who had led me to do this… imagining the worst to be a flop.
Then I returned to where I had been staying. Part of me desired that I would be welcomed with excitement asking how it went – I had asked to intercede as I left ‘home’. The response I got was the same old response I got whenever I had mentioned this particular project… being ignored wholesale to the point of pretending to be busy or engrossed in something else. It was almost as this project was a thing of ‘taboo’ in the individual’s eyes.
BREAK BEAR BLESS – the theme of my life continues on even in the span of this “Yesterday” I guess. I cried my heart out back in the solitude of my room feeling lonely and wondering where I was going wrong. Then I decided to remind myself that the enemy will step in and discourage us.. I remembered this blog – how God nudged me to write and I had been so nervous wondering who would read my posts. In fact I even recall arguing with God that if it was a secular blog the creativity of writing could kick in and entertain and draw many readers which wouldn’t be the case with a Christian reflections blog. After dragging my feet for about two months, I finally relented after repenting saying sorry for the things I have made it. In response I made a resolution not to worry about quantity – that even if one blog post touches just one person out there, then that is sufficient and worthwhile as each soul is valuable to God way more than numbers are to us!
There is joy in the presence of the angels of God over ONE sinner who repents – Luke 15:10
Then I reflected on the life of Jesus! The enemy used a loved one to TRY to dissuade Jesus from walking in obedience to the Father – the obedience was SUFFERING so that you and I could be set free. How did Jesus respond? He REBUKED Peter saying, “Get BEHIND me Satan. You do not have the things of God in mind”!
Obviously the enemy will try to stop us obeying God. So often our obedience will be not an easy path but at the end of the day if we love God and if we are His sheep, we will indeed HEAR His voice and heed to it – no matter what. It takes laying aside our pride to respond. It takes loving God with all our heart, soul, strength and mind to desire His Kingdom come and do whatever it is He is asking us to do.
I broke out into worship singing my heart out to God, thanking Him for the experiences of the day. Then I saw this status in my FB newsfeed! God speaks in amazing ways:
This morning I heard Him speak these simple words for some …
‘Dont let them choose for you.’
Beloved ones, look to Him from where all wisdom comes and then with great confidence ~ choose accordingly.
Don’t let them choose for you, precious son and daughter of the King…
Remember where you are seated, in heavenly places, where He placed you. 👑
His way and His wisdom will be clearly revealed as His very best for you and one day you will look again and be filled with great joy at what He has done in and around you because you stood strong ~ because you took the time to let Him choose for you, instead. – Laurie Roars
We do tend to look to loved ones, those who are close to our heart for approval, for affirmation, for a pat on our back. Who will be better candidates for the enemy to use to dissuade us from the narrow path? May we always look to God for affirmation instead!
BREAK – BEAR – BLESS has been sent for editing. Yes, the featured image gives a glimpse into the cover of the this book of testimony. It’s nearly 10 years of living by faith and in that book, I share with you how God has been breaking me, equipping me to bear the breaking and the blessings through all that.. Life in God isn’t straight forward let alone a straight smooth path… it has all the road signs possible I think! This isn’t just a story, it’s more than that! Stay tuned!
Your intercession would be greatly appreciated for the resources required for the next steps – editing, publishing, printing, circulation, readers… that in every step that God will clearly reveal His perfect plan, that the work of the enemy will be thwarted and that God’s purpose will be fulfilled and all glory be given to Him. May those who God would want to touch or encourage through this testimony be reached… Each person is precious to God.