What is your perspective, opinion, experience on this? Have you done a ‘surprise’ and how did it work out for you? Have you been ‘hurt’ or ‘victimised’ by someone’s ‘surprise’?
Especially in this part of the world, many dating couples start to go ‘steady’ but it’s all a SHHHHH… and then they get engaged, it’s a HUSHHHHH.. and then finally they get married and SURPRISE…, the photos and the statuses show up on social media and it’s becomes world news with ‘OOOHHH… AHHH’s!
A lot of people do this so that no one can come in the way of the relationship, try to make up stories or jinx it to break it up. Each one’s perspectives – to which they have a right for sure.
However, this pattern isn’t uncommon amidst Christians as well. Would Christians who are ‘believers’ who trust in God do this?
First of all the whole point of the stages of ‘engagement’ is to make an announcement that this couple are heading towards marriage. It is a ‘testing’ period so to speak. The book, “Boundaries on Dating” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is an excellent read and put forward many scenarios as to how to use this time of dating and engagement to get to know one another.
One such situation is to interact and socialise with each other’s social circles starting from family to friends to colleagues. It is then that you get to know each other’s true colours. For example, the way a girl treats her guy or vice versa may be a ‘put on’ – not intentional deceit but deceit out of a well meaning heart of wanting to please, but nonetheless it still becomes deceit. When you observe the way they interact with others, especially with those they have know for a long period of time is when you see the real identity as to how they treat others. This is the person that will surface after tying the knot in daily life. Is this person someone you can live with?
Keeping it a secret is being a part of darkness… hiding breeds sin.. A couple who are in a secret relationship miss out on what others know about this person. Without the general public knowing about the couple, they are prone to temptation or worse, able to play the fool with others as others don’t know their real status… Many can pretend and hide their true nature, which is much easier in a ‘secret’ relationship than a relationship that all know about. These people can then happily play the fool with others. In the process, other hearts are broken too as they have heard lies. Will God be pleased with people being hurt like this? Hurting others because of your hiding, secrecy is actually sinning against God as God is calling us to love our neighbours as ourselves which means we protect one another and not harm them. God lives in people, dwells in their hearts and if we want to break someone else’s hearts with our games, then that is not something that will please God.
True the enemy will try to break up something that is of God’s perfect plan but this is where you learn to discern where you are hearing lies of jealousy or envy, or where you are hearing words of caution from God to stop the relationship before it’s too late that it’s not the right one for you. Are you prepared to take all that you hear to the altar and ask God to show whether it’s a red, green or amber light for you?
Besides, if you truly love someone you can’t keep that love a secret. True love begins from the heart and thus will flow through the emotions and actions. When you truly love someone you would want everyone else to know that you cherish this person. It simply BUBBLES over!!
Likewise, many people claim to be Christians but yet will not speak up about their faith let alone seek God or God’s Kingdom. They justify it saying that their relationship is between them and God and not anyone else’s business. True love cannot but help bubble over..
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
How can a person be in a commitment to marriage and be single? Is that truth? A Christian is one who professes to believe in Christ, but a believer actually does follow Christ in Spirit and in truth – a surrendered heart, not empty words.
A believer will recognise the fact that he/she is the light of the world… and in light, darkness will not co-exist. Hiding a relationship whether with God or with their partner, is not only a dose of poison for those in the relationship but it is also harming the others around… And the poison will catch up later.
A believer has NO NEED to hide as there is no FEAR of a relationship breaking if indeed it is of God. Nothing can come in the way of God’s will and thus a relationship that is common knowledge is a great test and confirmation to God’s perfect plan. God’s perfect will can be tested by the fruit of the Spriit. if the acts of the flesh are what characterises the relationship, then you can rest assured that this is not God’s will. Hiding a relationship isn’t of God – He created relationship , He ordained the beautiful covenant of marriage. It’s your choice to do what the world does, but the sincere believer will attempt to live as light and surrender to God’s ways which is OPPOSITE to the ways of the world.
Are you testifying to the ways of the world or are you being a witness to the ways of the Sovereign God who is Almighty and true and LIVING?