A company needs to recruit someone for their vacant position. The candidate needs to have a number of specific qualifications for this ‘specialised’ role. It’s not a role that can be easily filled. Often the company will advertise on media. People who believe they are suitable for that role would submit their applications and expect to be called for an interview. If called, often a panel would meet with the applicant to get different perspectives to understand the person. Interestingly the owner of the company, the boss very rarely joins this panel to select staff to make his/her company function according to the mandate. The owner trusts the human resources staff to carry this task out. Sometimes for highly specified positions, advertising on media or getting the assistance of a recruitment agency isn’t sufficient. Cold calls are made seeking out professionals in the market place. However, the boss or the interviewing panel isn’t going to go to where the prospective candidate is. In fact, it’s always the other way round! The candidate who has been sought out may not necessarily ‘need’ the job even though the company does need the candidate – yet the candidate if interested would go to the company or to a mutual territory for the selection process.
This whole process – finding the right person for the job is as hard as it is for a person finding the right job. Not all is at it seems.
Finding a marriage partner isn’t much different to this process! We all have our ‘criteria’ for the right ‘candidate’. The right partner is indeed a SPECIALISED role! However, our criteria is adjusted by God as we surrender to Him. The more we delight in Him, our desires are aligned with His desires for us, and then He grants us those desires. The criteria is adjusted according to what God finds suitable for us for His plan and glory!
In a godly marriage, the man is the leader of the family. However the term ‘leader’ doesn’t imply ‘authoritarian’. It is a leadership driven by LOVE with SHARED purpose and hence why God clearly tells the man to love his wife and for the wife to submit (i.e. not nag) her husband.
A leader isn’t going to go ‘hunting’ for the right candidate let alone go to the candidate for the selection process. Likewise, the man isn’t going to go looking for his wife. We do see God created Adam and put him to a deep sleep to do His ‘surgery’. Perhaps the deep sleep was an anesthesia to numb the pain, perhaps it was so that Adam didn’t protest to what God was doing, perhaps it was both, perhaps it was neither – all speculations. However, generally men do ‘protest’ when it comes to settling down. God did the needful and brought Eve to Adam. Likewise, He got Abraham’s servant to go find a wife for Isaac and His hand was in it. Rebekah was brought to Isaac. Ruth was brought to Boaz’s field and then led to his feet. In all these situations, God led the potential candidate to the man. The female didn’t go looking for her husband, but rather allowed God to lead her to him.
God also makes it clear that IT IS NOT GOOD for man to be alone. When a man is alone – as much as he prefers to be alone, as much as he wants his independence – he fills the emptiness and voids with the wrong stuff, with things that his wandering eyes see. David didn’t go to war and was ‘alone’ and his wandering eyes led to lust and murder and what not. No wonder God makes it clear that it is not good for man to be alone – and it’s high time godly men realise this and ask God to see their hearts for ALL ANXIETIES just like David did (Psalm 139).
Yes there are many godly men who are in their ‘extended’ adolescence’ stage or who have ‘commitment phobia’.- I recommend this article on extended adolescence by Albert Mohler: http://www.albertmohler.com/2004/08/19/looking-back-at-the-mystery-of-marriage-part-one/) ( Read more: Eligible Bachelor Forever).
Also search on ‘Commitment Phobia’ and ask God for awareness and revelation. When men haven’t healed and in these stages, even when God leads the partner He has for him to her, he isn’t able to recognise or see God’s hand let alone accept / embrace her – or he stubbornly refuses to do so. Such men need to be wary that they don’t fall into the devil’s subtle schemes and back slide into being a man of the world.
It is important such men recognise these areas of disobedience due to need of healing – and surrender their hearts to God for healing and take any necessary measures to renew their minds and be transformed so that they know God’s perfect and pleasing will for their lives.
After God says it is not good for man to be alone, He doesn’t just let things hang… He said, “I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18 NIV). KJV uses the term helpmeet, ESV phrases it as ‘helper fit for him’, NKJV translates it as ‘helper comparable’…. It’s not helper as in ‘servant’ but rather fit for each other, to complement each other with shared vision. A godly marriage is where both can help one another seek first His Kingdom and where God is the third strand of the cord of marriage which then cannot be easily broken.
To be comparable means to have a shared vision, to be equally yoked spiritually, where both can pull each other up and build each other up and not tear down. Headship in this situation is where the couple can discuss all the options and where the husband will prayerfully, after seeking God, will make the decision.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord – Proverbs 18:22
There is no need for a man to go wife hunting (yup you can unliist yourself from those ‘dating’ sites now) but rather know that God will bring the right woman to HIM and when he has found this wife that God has led to him to a ‘good thing’ and has thus got favour from God ! He now has the favour from God to not be alone (as being alone isn’t in God’s perfect plan for most), to have the comparable helper that God has chosen (more favour) and thus being well equipped to carry out God’s plan for his life. God’s commission to a couple in His perfect will was to be fruitful and multiply – spiritually as well as physically as in procreation.
- Singles, how are you going to respond in light of this?
- Married, how are you going to hold singles accountable and support them in light of this?
- Youth – how are you going to prepare yourselves in light of this?