Are today’s women ‘damsels in distress‘ that they need a ‘knight in shining armour’ to come and rescue them and dash off to live happily ever after? Many do live in the fairy tale mentality where they expect human beings to be flawless and behave in a certain way. Very often I hear people say if the guy doesn’t make a move, “he isn’t into you!”. Perhaps SO! However, not all 5 fingers are alike and God works in different ways in different peoples’ lives for different purposes.
Men by nature (generalisation and as with all theories these are to broaden our thinking patterns and help us be empathetic not religious with rules and regulations!) are task oriented. The early days, men hunted.. they conquered brought it home and went onto their next hunting experience. Just like a woman’s self is defined through her feelings and quality of relationships.
A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results – John Gray
He is RESULTS oriented not relational oriented. He wants to get things done. A classic example was a research finding based on brain scans:
While women immediately became more alert after hearing a baby’s cry, the brains of men remained in a resting state.
It just goes over the top of his head. Is it of any wonder then, that the Bible tells men to LOVE their wives? He has to be reminded to “love”. Is that told to women? NO!
Check this out:
Men are motivated and empowered WHEN THEY ARE NEEDED – John Gray
In fact, he goes on to say, “not to be needed is a slow death for a man”. Love doesn’t come naturally for a man and he needs to be needed. In addition to that,
A man’s deepest fear is that he is not good enough or that he is incompetent – John Gray
Men do fear rejection as it makes him feel a failure. So many guys won’t express their interest in case he is turned down. He is task oriented so such men avoid taking the risk. Women are all out for relationships so they do take the risk to humble themselves and make the move as they rather not have regrets.
Given the opportunity to prove his potential, a man expresses his best self. Only when he feels he cannot succeed does he regress back to his old selfish ways – John Gray.
See the woman’s role in empowering the man:
When a man feels trusted to do his best to fulfil her needs and appreciated for his efforts, he is empowered and has more to give – John Gray
The woman needs to make him feel trusted for him to step out! Once he has started to love a woman, things actually get HARDER and leaves the woman all PUZZLED!
When a man loves a woman, periodically he needs to pull away before he can get closer – John Gray
In fact a man’s behaviour is described like a rubber band:
A man automatically alternates between needing intimacy and autonomy – John Gray.
So when he gets intimate (I’m assuming this is emotional intimacy), he then needs autonomy.
To a certain extent a man loses himself through connecting with his partner – John Gray
Apparently there is a change in his chemical balances when he ‘connects’ with his partner and this is what it means that he ‘loses himself’ and thus the need to pull away (emotionally). Quite the opposite to the way a woman functions.
A man’s first need is SEXUAL. Yet, fundamentally men like the chase to win a woman sexually. The adrenalin rush subsides when he wins his trophy and he feels lost. So he goes on to his next prey! The chase is on if he is sexually interested – not necessarily for a relationship given all the above traits.
Samson was another character who chased ‘women’ – and was known to be with prostitutes. Jacob toiled for 7 years to marry Rachel. He was deceived and ended up marrying Leah. Of course in those days, polygamy was accepted and he married Rachel as well. He didn’t love Leah so God showed compassion on her. What if that scenario panned out in today’s day and age where polygamy isn’t accepted?
David chased Bathsheba. Was he all out for a relationship? He knew she was married! Yet he had found her beautiful and wanted her at all costs. He got his trophy and as she got pregnant, he didn’t take responsibility but rather tried to cover up for the errors of his ways – from one sin he jumped to the next and the next. It took a while and Nathan the prophet to enter the scene for him to repent and change his ways.
The number one need of a man is sexual. However a man who has committed his life to God will be in the process of being transformed by the renewing of his mind and thus becomes more like God in his ways.
The fairy tale mentality, is that the damsel in distress looks to the knight in shining armour to rescue her and protect her forever. Many females today also look to the man to be her provider, to be the wallet. I think of the Proverbs 31 woman. I’m not saying the man shouldn’t provide, NO! In all these areas that are discussed in this blog series, we need to bring it out of do’s and don’ts and let the Holy Spirit lead in God’s perfect plan. Jesus tells us to seek FIRST God’s Kingdom and His righteousness, and then the assurance of our needs being met is given to us. So in essence the partner shouldn’t be the source but rather the right partner will be one with whom we can be a comparable helper to seek FIRST His Kingdom and together with the partner be able to LOOK TO HIM.
In essence a godly relationship should be established not based on our theories or religious expectations (the guy who is interested will chase, the woman shouldn’t make the first move etc etc) but how God would have it. We need to remember that EVERY SINGLE one of us are broken! We also need to remember some issues are manifested by the evil one and some people of course are plain wicked. We need to remember that God knows each one’s weaknesses, each one’s strengths and He brings them together so that they can be comparable helpers for His Kingdom. If the man has his fears, then God will take a woman who can with her love empower him to come out of his fears.
Let us not sin in establishing traditions of men and thus hinder God’s plan for His purpose and His glory. Let us always be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and follow His prompting for each individual’s life.