I recently saw an image of a page from a book used as what one should do. In a nutshell (in my words) the author writes that Boaz showed interest in Ruth and it’s only after that, that she proceeded to ‘chase’ him. In essence the message was a woman shouldn’t do the chase. Of course that brings us to another ‘discussion’ on what is meant by ‘chase’- but let’s leave that for another time!
I began to ponder and I realised FAIRY TALES. Once upon a time… there was a damsel in distress.. the knight in shining armour rescues her… then they lived happily ever after. Isn’t that the thread of the story line that is embedded in us growing up? And this is the same thing we are taking into our love lives and standards of living. What should it mean to us now as adults with ‘relational experiences’, knowledge of sciences and also as a believer? So yes.. here is Part 1 of a hopefully 3 part series of living a fairy tale. Stay tuned for “Knight in Shining Armour” and “Lived happily ever after”.
We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain ways –
the ways we react and behave when we love someone. – John Gray
So we think thanks to fairy tales that a man in love will pursue! Most girls grow up dreaming wedding and having the details all planned out in her hearts. Would an average boy grow up doing the same?!!
A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships – John Gray
Women tend have maternal instincts (at the end of the day, it is the woman’s privilege to carry the baby in her womb and breastfeed – nurturing). With this comes ‘perception’.
“Being ‘perceptive’ means being able to spot
the contradictions between someone’s words and their body language” – Allan Pease
Communication is about tone of voice and body language in a proportion much more than words. The little acts, the little gestures speak more volume than the actual words.
Body language is an outward reflection of a person’s emotional condition” – Allan Pease
Yet a woman picks up the real message from the non verbal communication and the tone of voice.
“When a person’s words and body language are in conflict, women ignore what is said” – Allan Pease
As believers we have the gift of discernment and gift of word of knowledge to take into account as well 🙂
Body language is easier to fake with men, than with women,
because overall, men aren’t good readers of body language – Allan Pease
As the ‘nurturer’ women actually have the gift of peripheral vision while men have tunnel vision. In a glance we can see more than a man and why the poor man is caught with his eyes fixated where we believe he shouldn’t be looking. NO! I’m not giving him an excuse to perve!! With this type of wiring, a woman picks up cues from what a man is ‘saying’ and instinctively knows where there is interest on his part. (More on the man’s response in Part 2).
REALITY check: a woman ‘won’t chase’ unless she has picked up on such cues. The cues from his end could be merely sexual as that’s where his first need begins.
It’s often not until years after a relationship begins that a man recognises he was in love, but he does it in retrospect. Women recognise when love does not exist and that’s why most relationships are ended by women – Allen & Barbara Pease
Boaz may have been interested in her (he may have liked her but unsure) but that’s speculation. We have the right to speculate when meditating on God’s Word as that helps us to look at things from different perspectives doing away from do’s and don’ts. However, we have NO RIGHT to present our speculations as God’s truth. What is not written explicitly is SPECULATION. It is clear that Boaz found out who she was, it’s clear that Boaz showed care and provided for her AND for Naomi – who was his relative. He may have been interested or he may have been driven by compassion for Naomi’s plight and/or in awe of Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi = speculations not TRUTH. However, truth is that Ruth was sent by Naomi to sit at the feet of Boaz and apparently that was a cultural move for marriage proposal. Whatever said and done, the first EXPLICIT move was made by Ruth not by Boaz, a god fearing man mind you!
If Christian women shouldn’t make the first move then I wonder why God didn’t create Eve and then take Adam to her. In fact God put him into a DEEP SLEEP while doing the surgery (maybe because he would protest – speculation for a chuckle and some food for thought). In fact God did this AFTER he had made it clear to Adam that there was no creation that was SUITABLE for him.
If Christian women shouldn’t make the first move then I wonder why God didn’t send Isaac to go back to his relatives and search for a girl? God chose Rebekah. It took HUMILITY for Rebekah to SUBMIT to God’s plan and His purpose and make that journey of faith. She had no idea what he looked like, what he was all about – but she OBEYED God’s prompting. In Rebekah entering Isaac’s tent (marriage), Isaac was HEALED. If he had been asked to make the first move, I guess it wouldn’t have happened as healing for him was through Rebekah! We see God was in it all.
If we truly are believers of God being led by the Holy Spirit for each of our steps and decisions, would we make a RULE saying that a woman shouldn’t make the first move? God called man and woman to be COMPARABLE helpers to one another.
Each person is wired differently, each part of the Body of Christ has a different gift and all are brought together and all are important. Anything that we do that is out of God’s calling or leading is SIN. Let’s not let our CULTURAL values keep us bound to sin!
God knows each person – how He has knitted each on in their mother’s wombs and He leads according ot that knowledge. Women are called to ‘submit’. It takes submission to be able to humble themselves and make the move. Today’s independent women – are we damsels in distress that needs a knight in shining armour? Don’t we have Jesus Himself as our VICTOR, as our groom?
By forcing women to hide their feelings, it’s encouraging them to suppress the way God has wired us to be. Through this we are also killing a woman’s sense of self. It goes against her wiring to suppress her feelings! Let God make the decision for each couple!
As a believer, all these quotes are generalisations to broaden our perspectives and help us to love as people. Jesus makes it clear that HE is the TRUTH – everything is our perspectives. Let’s not present other things as truth and distort from HIM and His ways. Let’s not play God.
Each person is uniquely wired and God has a unique plan to be implemented in unique ways – His glory is revealed when His purpose is fulfilled.