These last few years I have been on the move without steady housing. In the eyes of the world, it has been a time of ‘instability’. In fact I have felt that way a lot myself but God has been speaking and changing my outlook. I may have touched on this before but I feel led to write it now as I believe it’s important to raise awareness so that we believers will edify one another and not tear each other down… that we will be watchful of the words we utter as the tongue is indeed a mighty weapon. Often we speak to sound spiritual but in the process what we may be doing is pushing someone out of God’s will.
When I was “stuck” for housing, I have had many speak “into” my life just the way Job’s friends did. I heard words of condemnation although I do admit that most often than not the speaker did so with a desire to ‘help’: “You must be having sin in your life – God is punishing you” otherwise He wouldn’t let you go through this” or “You must be out of God’s will. You should go back overseas instead of struggling here”… the list goes on. The words pierce into my heart and make me feel small and wrong…. and worthless.. Well it used to anyway.
Let me explain how I felt at the onset of this ‘chapter of my life’.
Here I was, not understanding myself why all this was happening. Yet I chose to surrender to my Heavenly Father nonetheless. People would invite me to stay with them but at the slightest of change in their lives they would ask me to leave. Moving so often in a span of what could be a few weeks to a few months was really difficult. It was soooo out of my comfort zone, against my nature.
So obviously, I would PANIC.. and would reach out to others for emotional and spiritual support. There were many who longed to open their doors for me but couldn’t out of valid reasons and some who wouldn’t for reasons that were more looking out for themselves and their comforts or out of certain fear factors. Word of discouragement were uttered.
I was already scared so this really drove me to self condemnation… and further into doubt. If God wanted me to move back overseas, He would first have to give me the funds for the air fare as I live by faith.
I was convicted that even though others were telling me off, God surely did have a purpose. Despite my panic, at the 11th hour (not ahead) as one door closed for me to stay, another would open. I thought of Jesus and His disciples going from village to village, of Jesus not even having a place to lay His head. I surely had a roof over my head even though I didn’t know which roof would be over my head the next day. I imagined the disciples going without even a spare tunic or bags for their journey just as Jesus told them to do so, as Jesus said “for a worker is worthy of his food” (Matthew 10:10). He also told them not to go to the Gentiles but to the lost sheep of Israel.
It took me a while before I realised God was taking me to “Christians” where He wanted me to share in their lives. It has been a hard calling operating in the prophetic. Often it ends up in the messenger being shot and in my case asked to leave “their” house. I then “shake the dust off my feet” and leave. The continued rejection has been painful but my joy is in the fact that they have been given food for thought to walk on the narrow path and enjoy eternal life…
A few years before this chapter began, I had read the following verse and ‘fantasized’ about being able to do just very that…
Blessed is the man whose strength is in You,
Whose heart is set on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
They make it a spring;
The rain also covers it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength;
£Each one appears before God in Zion. – Psalm 84:5-7
It was obviously a Rhema word – God’s way of telling me what lay ahead…I thank God that my strength has been in Him alone… learning to stand in faith and obedience to Him despite what others said is what was really hard. Yet as God began to reveal to me what He was doing it became easier to the point that when someone told me to leave, I knew I didn’t have to panic that God would make a way.
These last two months have been a time of solace as I stay at a Christian guest house. Week by week God has been one way or the other providing for this. Ministries continue and I believe that it is the end of the nomadic chapter and impatiently I wait for breakthrough for provision for the visions that have been on my heart for years to come to pass.
God has to take us out of our comfort zones to break us and mould us… and to use us for His Kingdom so we become Kingdom minded. Those who aren’t willing to step out of their comfort zones often don’t understand or don’t want to understand. Their concept of ‘faith’ is within the boundaries of their own comfort zones.
We need to be a people who speak life and encouragement, who don’t judge based on what we see. It’s incredible that we read of how God led the Biblical characters to fulfil His will but yet we leave it aside as a STORY instead of realising that is very much for us today as well. We look to the work of our hands for our needs and thus we are unable to receive manna from heaven as we are too busy.
I thank God that He showed Himself real through it all that the words of discouragement from others didn’t feed into my doubt to the extent of me walking out of God’s will. The walk of a believer isn’t easy, it will be full of troubles – that’s what Jesus said. Yet His peace will be with us. We fear when we hear people’s words and our hearts get troubled but we need to keep our eyes on Him and His peace surpasses all UNDERSTANDING. Faith is in not what we see but what God sees.
At the end of the day, we need to ask where our priorities lie? Is it about me, myself and my family or is it about being vessels for God and being Kingdom minded? More importantly however is our relationship and intimacy with God and secondly with each other. Once we are saturated with His love, then it obviously will flow over into those we interact with. Are we motivated and spurred by His love wanting all to enjoy the intimacy with God?