Yes… my life especially in recent years hasn’t been all that easy – I agree! No doubt about that. It’s nearly 5 years since I have had a ‘nomadic lifestyle’ without steady accommodation. Today I was telling God I so didn’t understand why He called me out of all people to this these last few years. I have always enjoyed hospitality and my steady homes in the past have been called as “a place of refuge” or a place for the lonely or sick to hang out by people. I know I can stand before God and honestly admit that I was a good steward of the houses He blessed me with the past. I continue to look for a larger place so that I can pick up where I left – as there is a huge need right here in Colombo where more and more people are centred around “me and my own”. In addition to that, I can’t understand why He called me out of all people to this “going to the people” ministry because I have been someone who loves cleanliness / hygiene and being organised. Ok ok, I do get a tad messy but even when my brother used to make fun of me, he used to say it was an organised mess… I had so many interests so that did get a tad out of hand.
However, I have to admit that God pulled me up for being a “Martha” and once many years ago a Bible college lecturer of mine spoke over my life without knowing all this, “Get out of Martha’s steamy kitchen and sit at my feet like Mary”. Ouchhh…
So yes.. life in recent years hasn’t been easy at all. The rejections, the uncertainties, the instabilities.. the list goes on.
Worse is having fewer and fewer people I can turn to and share my fears with as fewer and fewer people understand this “faith journey”. (I so thank God however for those few people that God has brought into my life globally who have been constantly held my hand in this walk spiritually or morally or financially).
The others try to condemn my decisions and offer advice based on their lives, on fleshly wisdom with current world trends as their standard. There are too many people who study the Bible but do not know it as the Living Word.. they seem to treat it as they do fairy tales.. “Once upon a time” it starts and it ends not happily ever after but at that same “once upon a time”.
My heart cries out to God and echoes with Habakkuk’s prayer:
Lord, I have heard of your fame;
I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord.
Repeat them in our day,
in our time make them known;
in wrath remember mercy – Habakkuk 3:2
God who led the Israelites through the wilderness giving them manna and quail, and not letting even their shoes wear out can do it for us today too because He is the same yesterday today and forever. God who filled the dry with water despite being no rain or wind so that the needs of the kings could be quenched is sovereign and alive. He can miraculously intervene in our situations and provide in a way that no eye has seen or ear has heard. The list goes on and on. Then why do we want things to happen in a way we can logically think or expect?
I so want God to repeat His miraculous deeds in our day, in our settings, in our needs… to make them known in our time so that we will truly get rid of our human pride and self sufficiency and know that God is indeed God.. and that other people will see that too. If God says “seek FIRST the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, then all these (needs) will be added”, well, it means He will very well do that.. And He is indeed capable.
I have lived by faith for about 8.5 years now. I look back and marvel as how God has carried me through. Yes, it hasn’t been smooth sailing but God has never left me nor forsaken me and I can honestly say I have had a ‘better’ life than many around me. And I know every experience, good and bad has taken place for God to get the glory and for someone or some people to be drawn closer to Him. At the end of the day, isn’t that why we are here on earth?
Jesus went from place to place, reaching out to people.. He didn’t even have a place to rest His head. Why? Was it because of sin? Absolutely not! He was pure and sin free. It was totally a sacrificial love for you and me, so that He could make the way for us to come to the Father. We greedily grab the fruit of his labour and then want to remain in our comfort zones saying “me me me.. give me give me give me” for my selfish ambitions and greed. If He doesn’t answer our prayers the way we want and in the time we want, we boycott Him… as there is no need for Him. We would rather go and make things happen in our way in our time… even if it’s not for our good.
Paul was in prison and advises us to be thankful in ALL circumstances. He writes he knows to be content in hunger and in plenty… He knew the secret – God’s love .. and He knew the purpose.. It’s not our wealth or assets or qualifications or careers that we are going to take with us.. no matter which destination (heaven or hell) that we are heading to. It’s ok to achieve all that but not at the cost of loving God with ALL our heart, soul, mind and strength and of loving our neighbours as ourselves. Basing our relationship with God on what we can get from Him isn’t really a relationship is it?
Ponder on these words that Habakkuk wraps his book up with…
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights – Habakkuk 3:17-19
- Where do you stand today? Are you willing to say, even if you don’t have your needs met that YET you will rejoice in the LORD? or are you saying where are you God, are you even God if you can’t bless me with what I want?
- Are you able to say it doesn’t matter what I have and what I don’t have.. I will yet rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour.. and God is my strength who ENABLES me to tread on the heights?
I don’t have accommodation sorted out yet.. I’m in a temporary situation but one that has been a blessing to be a ‘hiding’ place to restore refresh and revive.. Yet I trust God to repeat His deeds in this area so that I can use it for His glory and that He will be glorified as He makes it clear, it is not the work of our hands or our skills that He needs to provide.
For where He has given a vision, He will indeed make provision.
Do you need to repent today and re-commit your life? Do you need to ask God to bring His Word as an active words and no more fairy tales? Are you willing to surrender to Him with great expectations so that people can see that He is God and will come to Him?