In A Daze

Boy oh boy what a start to a new year – a calendar year as well as biological year…  The previous year ended with much drama and the new one continued on in the roll.  I’m in a daze right now with all the varied trials from every angle possible even with the money that I had set aside for my visa renewal having disappeared and finding it out when I went to the bank to deposit it.  My writing had come to a standstill too for nearly two weeks.  When the blog posts aren’t being written, then that means there is no way the book drafts can be worked on.  Even my laptop is playing up and to me this is an important tool as much as my desire to have a home which doubles up as a place of ministry.  I crave for a holiday – to go home to friends and family as it has been ages.  God hasn’t made a way for that either.

I don’t know whether to cry or to get angry or what emotion I should feel … Right now I’m in nothing but a daze floating along.

As much as I have had false accusations / condemnations and being subject to judgmental perceptions, I’m also amazed at how many wishes for the new years (the plural as my birthday is a few days after the calendar new year) have come from people who used to be in and out of my house years ago but the friendship just faded away due to their new commitments in life.  So it was so encouraging hearing from them too.

The house I had rented in the past had been a place where people could crash when they were lonely or weighed down emotionally etc etc.  It was a place that many called a place of solace – well, as far as I was concerned it had to be as it was God’s house and I don’t mean ‘church’ but rather a place where God dwells in (in addition to the fact that He dwells in us who believe in Him).  Then such a place would be a place where people would feel God’s touch in their lives right?! God’s provision is to be a blessing… T his is the type of home I have been wanting again in place of my ‘nomadic’ lifestyle of the last 4 years that God seems to be ordaining.

Despite the intensive trials and obstacles of these last few weeks, I thank God for Him speaking to me in volumes and for the confirmations and encouragement I receive from others – including some of you, the readers of this blog.  I thank God for His love, His mercy, His grace, His goodness and most of all His presence and embrace.  I may have some unfulfilled desires but I can thank Him from the bottom of my heart for His timely provision.  He has always always come through and met my needs that if I’m honest I can say with contentment that I do not lack anything.

I trust in Him that He knows best and He has the perfect timing for all to fall in place according to His perfect plan.  I know that the Universe and everything in it belongs to Him – that His hand is not too short for anything.  If He hasn’t come through, well that’s because it is not good for us or not yet the right time for Him to fulfill His plan and bring glory to His Name while establishing His Kingdom here on earth as it is in heaven.

I remind myself of Jesus when disheartened.  Even Jesus says He does not know ‘the time or the hour’ of the second coming.  Jesus being the Son of God and being one with the Father says this.  If we are honest with ourselves, we begin to worry and panic when we don’t know what tomorrow holds… when we want to look ahead and plan…

When people ask us the whys and whats of life, we want to be able to answer and come across as ‘wise’ and mature that we have it all together.   We don’t want to look ‘foolish’.  However I see Jesus going about His Father’s business… He says His food is to do the work of the One who sent Him.  What is our food today?  What motivates us and keeps us going?  What is our focus?

Jesus took one day at a time keeping in mind the bigger vision… He didn’t plan ahead but worked towards the vision as God led Him, in His timing.  I stand challenged as I know the times I panic and despair is when I want it all mapped out and want to be able to tell people that I have it all planned out… My peace disappears like mist in the air then.

However when I long to live like Jesus and when I desire to be led by the Holy Spirit who is like the wind – the direction of coming and going which we do not know, when I allow myself to be like a leaf in the wind taken along in God’s perfect plan, when I don’t care about being answerable to people but I am fixated about being on the narrow path that God has ordained for me, then His refreshing love overtakes me.. and His peace transcends all understanding.

Where do you and I stand today?  Can we like the Psalmists cry out in our trials and pressing circumstances and yet wrap up saying “YET” I trust you?  Can we like Jesus pour out our fears and agonies at His Feet asking Him to take it away yet be able to surrender saying, “YET not my will but YOURS be done”?

Yes, it’s a challenge… but the joy of the Lord is our strength.

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights (2 Samuel 22:34).

 It is possible with Him…. if only we can acknowledge our emotions, confess our shortcomings, deal with our fears and yield to His perfect plan… He will indeed enable us to stand on the heights replacing our “in a daze” with His joy.  It doesn’t matter what the enemy does or who the enemy uses… God is in control.  He is Omnipresent and He is Sovereign!

Thank you for your support.

This 2015 may you scale the heights despite the thunderstorms of life as you surrender your will to Him!


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