He likes her… so he strategically makes a move into the “advertising” stage. As he figures out what her needs and expectations are, he begins to promote himself as the product to the potential “consumer”. The power of words is employed to make her feel that she has found the right product. Flattering adjectives are thrown about to describe her face and body. Throughout the day, he showers attention on her and achieves his goal of becoming close friends. She enjoys being cherished and begins to let her guard down.
(Gender roles can be reversed too, but for ease of writing and given this is the generalization of the pattern, I’m using the female as the “target”).
He says she is “fun” and she takes it as a compliment without realizing that he is meaning it in the way of “you’re easy – I will get you”. A little time passes and he asks her out… the sexual component is brought into the scene and she makes her boundaries clear. He replies ever so charmingly that he is ok with her limits. She is blown off her feet that she has found a guy who respects her.
He begins to seduce her and pushes her limits… She tries to go a step further to bring about compromise so as to “work at” this relationship without taking it for granted as she sees it as a blessing. The attention throughout the day has diminished as he is now “busy” and he scolds her for being demanding. She suddenly realizes, that the conversation prior to dating is now lost and the focus is on the sexual aspect. The very things she enjoyed with him are not there and when she tries to talk to him about it, he says that she is being too serious.
Now she feels dirty – as a sexual object – as she has overstepped her limits and also lacks the very areas where she found joy in the relationship. His focus was totally away from her heart and soul but only on her face and body. Cute and attractive is replaced with hot and sexy.
If the girl is rooted in God, even though she may have stumbled along the way, she manages to pull away because she realizes her intimacy with God has been tampered with and she has lost her joy in life. Often the guy turns around and spreads negative words about her being “easy” without admitting his scheming attempts of seduction. The recipients of his words continue to spread gossip about her.
Potiphar’s wife used the situation of having Joseph’s cloak in her hands to “prove” him guilty. She didn’t take the rejection lightly so she turned it around and put the blame on him. Those who listened to her all stood against Joseph. This is not an uncommon situation today either.
All is not lost… God will for sure deal with the one who twists his words and twists what really took place. Those who fall victim to such seduction traps can stand up with the knowledge that God turned around the situation with Joseph… He used Potiphar’s wife’s scheme of seeing Joseph being thrown into jail, to bring to pass His plan for Joseph. Eventually, Potiphar’s wife had to come under Joseph’s rule. God exalted Joseph.
Think of David… He committed sin after sin in attempt to cover up. God in His mercy sent a prophet to soften David’s hardened heart with a word of rebuke. David repented and made a U turn in life. God called him a man after His own heart. God looks for broken and contrite hearts… and will protect the one who repents and turns to Him with a desire to be holy and be right with Him.
If we aren’t right with God, we cannot be right in our relationships with other people. It is only by His love and through His grace that we can extend sincere pure love and grace to others.
This is required even more so in terms of a relationship of a couple. There has to be compatibility in the spiritual, mental, emotional and social dimensions along with sexual chemistry. Sexual attraction without compatibility in the other areas is nothing but a set up for failure. True intimacy is built up in all areas. It isn’t just about the face and the body… the heart and the soul (mind, emotions and will) need to be included as well.
Interestingly while I had started to write this post after pondering for a few days, I saw this well written article in my FB newsfeed. It explains intimacy very well.
Just make time with God today and ask Him to search your heart. Where are you at?
- Are you at the stage of being like David, when his heart was hardened with selfish desires?
- Are you at the stage of being like David, when the prophet came with a word of rebuke to open his eyes?
- Are you at the stage of being like David, when David repented and yielded before God?
- Are you at the stage of being like Joseph, subject to the scheme of seduction where you too need to run away at whatever cost like Joseph did?
- Are you at the stage of being like Joseph, in prison being punished for something that was taken out of context without the whole story? Remember you are on the verge of being exalted by God!
- Are you at the stage of being like Potiphar’s wife, lusting for something / someone so badly but couldn’t get it so passing the buck at someone else especially the target to cover up for your pride?
- Are you at the stage of being like Potiphar’s wife, punishing your victim to escape from your wrongdoings? God is a God who can turn tables in an instant… and cannot be fooled.
- Are you in a relationship where it is only about the sexual? Where is God in your relationship? Are you able to pray and spend time in the Word edifying one another?
Trying taking out God from GOOD – and all you are left with is a ZERO.
A good relationship without God is meaningless as you are left with NOTHING…