Many years ago, my ex used to twist my nose so much for fun and I would squeal in pain. However, one fine day he put the speaker phone on while he was talking to his cousin and told her to listen – and then he twisted my nose. Feeling so hurt and angry, I grimaced much but didn’t utter a sound. He kept twisting it harder and harder while his cousin was giggling. Anyway he finally gave up as there was not a single hum out of me. My nose however was bright red – it doesn’t help that I bruise easily as it is.
The torture didn’t end there. I usually don’t wear make up to work but for a week I plastered my face with foundation with extra layers over the nose. Nothing could conceal it. It just helped him to make fun of me in front of his colleagues saying “Rudolph the red nosed reindeer”.
I’m not writing this with any bitterness or any anger – and it doesn’t please me to write this either… As I have mentioned above this happened many many years ago and it was shortly after this duration of various acts of violence – both “fun” as well as “anger outbursts” that my testimony took place. https://priyanthiv.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/shepherd/ With that nightmare chapter of my life ending, the new chapter of joy and unconditional love began as I committed my life to the Lord.
Since all these transpired I had gone through extensive counselling, healing and deliverance sessions at a church in Canada, read much on these topics as well as attended various seminars. And it is my desire to raise some awareness time to time in order to “set the captives free” before they get brokenhearted!
I’m spelling out this scenario – although to some it would be a reason to giggle and for some (especially the perpetrators) to get a kick out of it – hoping that someone’s life can be touched and changed. Many females put up with this during courting period thinking “he is only doing it for fun”. Really?? Interestingly when I tried to find a suitable image for this post, I stumbled across the featured image of the famous cook show presenter Nigella – although this wasn’t fun on the part of her husband.
Bullying in any form – physical, sexual, economic, emotional, mental, spiritual etc is NOT accepted. (Name calling and jeering falls into this too). It shows a sign of insecurity on the part of the person who is doing this. Allowing the other to continue these behavioural patterns is actually the opposite of “loving” the person as it is feeding into it. Walking away is what would make the person realise they don’t have a victim trapped on their webs.
Many women stay on deceiving themselves that their man would change. (As always, I’m using the general example of women being victims although the reverse does happen too if not so commonly). However, the mild ‘bullying’ is just a sign of early stages of the power and control cycle. He won’t get any better if you stay with him, he will only get worse. Once married he knows you are totally into his web, STUCK!
There is no such thing as violence being “fun”… Violence is violence and abuse is abuse… whether the motive is “fun” or not. It shows the perpetrator is in need of healing & help himself – but that will not happen while the victim is in his grasp. It’s like giving alcohol bottles to an alcoholic.
A GENTLE-man will be indeed gentle with ladies. Someone who can’t cherish a woman and treat her with respect is obviously a man who hasn’t committed his life to the Lord. It is by our love for one another that we are to be known as the disciples of Jesus… hurting another even for fun is not “loving” by God’s standards. See the example of Jesus – a prophecy uttered through Isaiah about Jesus which was fulfilled and noted in Matthew:
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he leads justice to victory – Matthew 12:20.
What we do to others who believe – who is created in the image of God and who is the temple of God – shows how much we stand in awe of God or perhaps even how much we disregard God even if we may be praising Him outwardly.
So for those of you out there, who are in a relationship and are consistently making excuses saying “he / she loves me and he/she will change”, I’m sorry – as long as you are there to make excuses you are helping the other to be in denial. This person is most likely not the partner for you or even if he/she is, then you need to step out of the way for God to do the heart surgery required and bring him/her back to you in His time… However, you need to seek God’s will in prayer and ask Him for revelation.
My prayer is that we will love one another so much that the captives will be set free and many who could have otherwise ended up majorly broken hearted let alone with broken bones, will be saved the heart ache!