Comparable Helper

I admit being single willing to mingle isn’t an easy place to be… However, ever so often singles feel an emptiness and feel that they need a partner to fill that void.  So they fit the next single person they meet into the mould of their dreams and claim that is the right one.

First of all, a professing Christian isn’t necessarily a believer…  People will say one thing and then when you quote them on it, they will insist they never said that.  Or perhaps we could have misunderstood what they said.. we could have interpreted it as a blanket statement when they meant it for a particular situation only.. or their motives in saying it could have been as a joke, to tease and we took it seriously…  Fact of the matter is, it’s not the words.. but rather the walk with the talk.

Words make up only 7% of one’s communication.  The rest of it – the bulk of communication – consists of the tone of voice and the body language.  It’s important to get to know someone and check consistency in their actions.  What is the story that their lives tell?  Do they display more of the fruit of the Spirit or are there more acts of the fleshly nature evident?  Compare the two lists in Galatians 5:21-27.  What are the words and actions like when one is angry?  What are the words and actions like when stressed, when extremely happy, when relaxed, when…  No matter how angry, are the words and actions building up or are they condemning and tearing down?

In desperation to find a partner, we settle for someone that doesn’t set the way for a godly marriage.  God intended the couple to be COMPARABLE helpers… God’s Word also tells us that the man is the head of the family just as Christ is the head of the Body of Christ.  The headship here isn’t dominant or authoritarian… rather the husband has ears to hear the woman out and will bring that to consideration before making decisions.

If a female in a relationship is always making the decisions and ordering the man about (telling him what he HAS to do, controlling him etc) then that itself is obvious it isn’t a marriage made in heaven!  Compatibility is important… spiritual, emotional and intellectual.  If a woman is more intelligent than the man, the tendency would be to dominate or order, as she would be quick to pick up on things… On the other hand, if a man has a domineering personality, he would be just making decisions without consulting her and without even updating her on details and developments.

Then another lot decide to do missionary dating – thinking they could win over the person for the Lord with their love…  That’s playing with fire.  One of the reasons that the people prior to the flood made God pain was that the sons of God were marrying the daughters of men.. and God calls them wicked.  The Bible also tells us how can light walk with darkness?  It’s practical really isn’t it?  How can we walk along the narrow path when the other wants to walk on the wider path?  Solomon, with all his wisdom was led astray from God by his non believing wives… So how much more can we be susceptible to that?  Besides, if we truly loved God, we would only want to totally be in the centre of the path He has ordained for us.

Yes, it was God Himself who said “It is not good for man to be alone” and the term used for man here in the original text is human.  God knows that.  However, we are also living in the fallen world… with people being gripped by the ways of the world, chained by fears (of the past, experiences, committment phobias, domineering.. the list goes on). So we wait knowing God knows, trusting in Him.. We wait by  yielding to the Lord and enjoying His love, His embrace and allowing His healing to restore us more and more into His image allowing Him to prepare us for the right partner just as much as we can believe He is preparing the other for us too.

And our focus is not in the future, not on the tomorrows but on the todays, gazing into our Bridegroom’s eyes.. focusing on our Saviour Lord Jesus Christ… As we delight in Him, our plans and wills get aligned to His will and thus the desires of our heart will be aligned with His and fulfilled…



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