We hear of break ups of so many relationships that had what was needed to make it. Some relationships require us to stand firm and fight to protect it and preserve it… while other relationships require flight. Distinguishing between the two isn’t an easy situation.
We like someone.. we fall in love and we fantasize about marrying that person… So we long to make it work no matter what. Even if we see signs or symptoms of it not being a good match, we tell ourselves that is quitting and failure. Besides who wants to lose the one they love? On the other hand, love can be a cure for a whole lot of things… Lack of love pushes people to become like porcupines, so isn’t love the solution. We cling onto the relationship with the hope that love can do wonders. However there is a time to fight for a relationship.. there is a time to flee… And it’s much better to go through this cycle PRIOR to marriage than after.
If a person is suspicious or negative in nature, it’s really no point trying to hold onto them. Interesting, I saw this quote on FB today, only after I had begun to think of writing this topic.
“The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your life will become” – Anon
There is a huge possibility that they will become abusive in the relationship as time goes on. Belittling, name calling, swearing all fall under emotional abuse. An insecure person wants the partner under their control so they believe that this will allow the other to stay put with them, that they wouldn’t dare leave. All the problems that happen in the relationship are blamed onto the one being controlled. In a controller’s eyes, it doesn’t take two to tango – in fact they perceive to be the innocent one taken advantage of.
When a person doesn’t take ownership of their wrong doings, nothing can ever work. Change cannot be forced, it has to come from a heart of surrender… a heart that is yielded to God. If one is truly walking in the Lord, that change will come perhaps in time but at least the humility of accepting wrong would be there instead of finger pointing and judging the other. A heart that is yielded to God will hear out the other person’s views and reasoning, helping them to look beyond appearances and to look at the heart. A heart that has known and experienced God’s grace will extend grace to the other.
However, God also disciplines. The more one stays in an abusive relationship or in a relationship where the other isn’t ready to accept their part of a wrong, the more they are feeding into the problem and aiding the abuser stay put in his/her behavioural patterns. Walking away can sometimes be the best thing you can do. It’s similar to taking away the alcohol from someone who is caught up in being alcoholic. As Christians, we often feel that we have ‘failed’ if we have to walk away. However, strength with a security of who we are in Christ is what can help us to walk away, ignoring the judgment statements of those looking on from the outside.
We need to constantly turn to the Lord and seek His wisdom and discernment to know when to fight or when to flee… Condemnation is not from God but from the enemy, the prince of the earth. Allowing another to condemn us is not seeing who we are in Christ, it is not exercising our victory in Him. We are more than conquerors in Him. Head knowledge of that is not enough. We need to exercise it.
The more rooted we become in the Lord and the more we delight in His presence, the more stable we become and thus the less whereby another can control us. We need to not just hear the words they speak in regards to their spirituality but rather test the fruit of the Spirit.. Are they increasingly displaying fruit? Are they walking the talk? How do they respond in hard situations? What is their speech like? Is it negative, full of venom, cursing, swearing, condemnation, ridiculing? Then it’s quite apt to say that this person is not rooted in God. The more deeper one is rooted, the less the acts of the sinful nature (Galatians 5:19-21) will be evident while the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) will be increasingly manifested.
Yes, we are all human and we all fall… We have all fallen short of His glory (Romans 3:23). However, it is the proportion and extent that we are looking at, what our heart’s motives us, what our desires are. Do we long to be holy as He is holy? We cannot get rid of the sinful nature as long as we are on this earth in the flesh. However, as we grow in the Lord, there will be more fruit displayed and less worldly acts evident. We have the assurance, “righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe” (Romans 3:23).
So, we do not allow another to try to magnify the speck in our eyes when they have logs. Obviously our specks look like logs to them as their logs are what they see – when they try to look at us. It’s easy for them to pretend or fool themselves that it’s ours. If they want to hurl insults at us and wrong accusations, remember
For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.” – Romans 15:3.