Very often we yearn for and look for partners who will protect us and make decisions for us… Of course, when they always make the decisions without consulting us, we then get frustrated and angry. However, the fact is a number of people do fall into this pattern. They search for partners to fulfill the voids in their hearts, to find completion… to feel good.
Recently I saw the following quote on FB (and as usual some quotes get me to reflect.. this was one of them):
DON’T LOOK FOR SOMEONE WHO WILL SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS…
LOOK FOR SOMEONE WHO WILL FACE THEM WITH YOU
Our approach to problems varies from personality to personality. Gender wiring also makes an impact. Men often want to retreat alone into their caves when a problem presents itself.. and will come out when a solution is reached. Women on the other hand tend to want to talk about the problem – to vent it out and think it through. Their first priority is not about solving it but rather importance is given to manage / balance relationships through it. Men and women tend to clash and have arguments not understanding this difference. The phrase ‘battle of the sexes’ didn’t come about without rhyme or reason I guess!
A woman would most likely seek a hug from her man in the situation of a pressing problem – she wants his protection and finds security that he is there with her. That comfort is enough for her to derive the energy she needs to press forward. However, sadly the man tends to push her away as he wants space to try to solve the problem. A huge gap forms in the relationship as their needs are contradictory.
Besides, when we do have a partner who keeps taking the bull by the horns and solving all the problems ultimately the other person feels worthless. The very thing that made them happy pushes them away – understandably they feel that their thoughts and inputs don’t count and that the partner is domineering.
As believers, we shouldn’t lose sight of one astounding fact:
There is only ONE who can solve ALL our problems.. and that is our God Almighty.
It is so easy to get carried away running ahead of God to solve our problems wasting our energy – until we find our heads knocking against a brick wall. God often allows problems in our lives for us to turn to Him. We are often a proud generation – trying to do things in our limited wisdom and then turning to God last when all else fails. Why are we unable to seek Him first and be led by Him along the path He has ordained for us – His perfect and pleasing will? We love to get out of any ‘sticky’ situation but often God allows us to be in that situation for a reason.
Peter walked on the water despite the storm around him. However, the moment he took his eyes off Jesus and focused on the storm – aka the problem – he began to sink. Jesus didn’t solve the problem by stopping the storm. Rather He encouraged Peter to walk through the problem.
When we pre-maturely get out of the situations / problems that God has allowed us to be in, we end up cutting short the nurturing / refining process.
He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver
– Micah 3:3
Yet, God assures us..
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze – Isaiah 43:2
We need to be able to face our problems and let God fulfill His plan… and lead the way. Of course there are times when God will make you simply RUN away from it.. but others to stick through it.
Likewise, it’s crucial to have someone who won’t get so tensed and upset trying to solve all the problems (realising we are mere man) but rather who can hold your hands through it and vice versa. Of course a man hugging his partner when she is scared is the best support she can receive while pushing her away when she needs it is the greatest rejection he can give her. God has created man and wife to be comparable HELPERS.
It is only at the point of helplessness on our part can God actually divinely intervene
and show us that He is indeed God 🙂