He likes her… She likes him… But, they almost seem as if they are two different species altogether! A woman tends to be relationship oriented and thus her priorities tend to reflect the same… So she yearns for the guy’s attention, to be cherished – and thus cries out (in love, to make the relationship work and hence considering it a ‘positive’ step) making it clear what she wants from him. The guy takes this as ‘nagging’ or claims it makes him feel guilty that he “doesn’t have time for her” and can’t she understand… He needs ‘space’ so this seemingly ‘negative’ communication from her (totally misconstrued by him) makes him push away from her further. She is bewildered, he is irritated…
Misunderstanding enters the scene and eventually if not cleared, a molehill becomes a mountain and the relationship dies claiming lack of compatibility.
In addition to this basic gender difference, it also doesn’t help if the two don’t understand each other’s love languages… Yes, people “speak” love in different ways…. There 5 love languages – touch, gifts, time, service / helps, words. People may ‘speak’ a bit of everything but there is one or perhaps even two primary language (s) where they “understand” love. This is the way they show it and that is the way they would appreciate it in return too. However, to help improve a relationship it would be beneficial to understand what makes each other ‘tick’ so to speak.. Does he like you to show love by watching out and helping him (of course, a man may take ‘helps’ in the wrong way as it could be giving him the message that he is inadequate!) Does she like you making time for her – even if it’s just to give a one minute call or an sms once or twice a day just to reassure her that she is on your mind despite a hectic day?
Our battles in our love relationship with God is not much different from this either! One major difference is that God is the one who created us, who knitted us in the womb… who knows our coming and going and who knows even what we are going to say even before the word is formed on the lip (Psalm 139). He knows us inside out… So it is our attitude and our priorities that creates the battle – thankfully a one sided battle..
We are so caught up with what WE want to satisfy our flesh or to please others around us or even to “make it” in the world. Our walk with God is one of taking up our cross and carrying it DAILY… Hence loving God is something we often try to “fit in” our schedules when we can, i.e. only when it’s convenient – just like some tend to do in their relationships.
Any relationship – whether friendship or with a partner let alone with God is a DECISION… It is hard work.. And the walk of a believer is all about “one another” but first of all beginning with God. When we are rooted in Him and when we are captivated by His love, then we automatically increasingly become vessels of love where He pours into us, fills us and over flows through us to those around us. Of course He gives us discernment to be as innocent as doves and shrewd as serpents. However, the fact remains that the more we abide in Him, in the true vine, our priorities begin to shift to His perfect plan for our lives.
DELIGHT IN THE LORD AND HE WILL GIVE THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART (Psalm 37:4).
As we delight in Him, may we kick out mis-understanding and invite “Miss Understanding” instead into the scene and bridging the gap formed whereby understanding is brought in by wisdom… and
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom... (Proverbs 9:10)
- Are we truly loving God such that we are constantly aware of His presence in everything we do? Not a fear that springs out with disobedience and punishment but rather a fear in the sense of having such an awe of God that we know when we do things according to our limited wisdom without His intervention that we will muck up in royal style?
- Are you delighting in Him or are you delighting in your work, career, ministry, education, family, relationships?
When we have the priority to delight in Him, all the rest automatically follow in a healthy manner – in the right measures!