Compatibility or Desperation?

I was continuing to reflect on the Hindi movie Hassee toh Phassee..

(the previous reflection: )

The guy is desperately trying to cling on to his girlfriend of SEVEN years…  She has him on a leash of emotional blackmail.  When he fails to measure up to her standards (not what he wants), she walks out on the relationship… When he achieves the goal, she is never satisfied let alone appreciative but instead raises the bar a notch.  However, they have finally arrived at getting ready to tie the knot.

Her sister – the prodigal daughter – arrives at the scene and although the fiancee asks her guy to arrange accommodation for her, she conceals the biological connection… After all, why wouldn’t she be ashamed of her?  The guy over hears who this is newcomer really is and instinctively becomes the protector.  They have a real friendship – authenticity, humour, looking out for one another, shared interests and help each other realise their own dreams and also to fulfill them.  The prodigal sister gently challenges him to check whether her sister is indeed the right match for him.  He admits it but claims “but I have invested 7 years of my life already in her… and who is to say that the next one who comes along will be perfect”… He goes on to state that this is his last chance!

She replies that there are no last chances, only second chances.  Fact is she brings out the best in him and he knows that… The guy refused to walk out and continued on to the altar with a long face as the prodigal sister had left to the airport unable to face her feelings.  Well, she was the brave one so she duly returns from the airport to face the music.  In the meantime, he has also realised it would be a big mistake to continue to tie the knot and for the first time, walks out on his fiancee (or rather dashes out only to bump into his soul mate).

The following quote that has been circulating on FB sums it up well…

“Don’t let the one who didn’t love you keep you from the one who will”

In fact, I think this quotation is profound on many levels.  It is no point holding onto the person who doesn’t love you… A person who loves you will respect your dreams and your goals and love you for who you are… They will not try to change you to the person they want you to be.  These people will never be satisfied no matter what you do for them and ultimately you will wake up and wonder who you are as it’s no longer you, but rather the person your partner has attempted to mould you to be.


Change can come only from God… We can encourage one another and build each other up – we have to do that as believers!  We can speak the truth to each other in love – we have to!  However, we need to realise that God’s ways are higher than our ways and His wisdom is far beyond what we can even imagine or comprehend.  When we ourselves haven’t got it right or rather perfect, how can we FORCE another to change?  Could that be classified to be hypocritical?  God has given us free will and we indulge in it to say the least… so  how can we not extend the same to others?  In love, we share our heart with one another… but we let it go and intercede not for my will to be done in the other person’s life nor for that person’s will to be done, but rather, for God’s perfect and pleasing will to be done 🙂

I must ask if there is any person in my life whose growth and happiness is as real or more real to me than my own.

If so, love has truly entered my life – John Powell

(The right partner would be like wise!)

We need to internalise the fact that God has created husband and wife to be COMPARABLE helpers… as HELPMEETS.. They raise each other up and the path they focus on is God’s will… If one person is abusive (emotionally or financially or verbally or physically or sexually or even spiritually) then that is not a comparable helper and that certainly is not love.  Yes, we are all human beings and we stumble.. None of us are perfect, but it’s what we do to the other during the course of the stumbling is what counts – is it a regular pattern, is the word sorry been said (seriously I think most females will agree with me, a true man of God will be able to say sorry, and that from the heart..) and repentance showing…

Repentance will result in changed behaviour – perhaps in baby steps, slowly but surely..   Yet abuse is not acceptable… The abuser needs help – simple.. much healing is required and no person needs to be the scape goat!

Love does not dominate; it cultivates – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


  • Is the person encouraging you to be the person God has wired you to be, to fulfill God’s plans for your life as an individual and both as a couple and of course as a family in the near future?


  • Are you in a relationship (dating or engaged) because you have already invested much time in it?  
  • Or are you in one because you think you can’t do much better than the current person?

Singles – it’s far better to be in a healthy relationship than be trapped in a cage… Watch out for the above…

  • But most of all do you trust in God?
  • If you seriously have faith in Him, would you be clinging onto something that is destructive?

 “Do not be anxious about anything, 

but in everything, by prayer and petition,with thanksgiving,

present your requests to God. 

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, 

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,

whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–

if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-

-think about such things” – Philippians 4:6-8


How does your relationship test against verse 8?

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world,

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is

–his good, pleasing and perfect will – Romans 12:2





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