Suffocating = Love?

So Adam seemed to be coming home later and later each night. Eve wasn’t too pleased. She couldn’t handle not confronting him, so she did. His response was, “Honey, this more and more work to be done in the garden… the grass is growing, the trees need to be pruned, fruit to be plucked etc etc. There is just me to tend and work it”. Yet she was disgruntled as the pattern seemed to continue.

Early one morning, Adam was woken up with what felt like a ticklish feeling. He was startled at what he saw. Eve was on top of him, with her fingers feeling about his chest. “Eve, what on earth are you doing?”. She looked up at him and nonchalantly replied, “Ohhh I was just counting your ribs, that’s all”.

Hehehe.. I found that a good chuckle, whether you did or not. However, isn’t this a realistic scenario – when transposed to modern times obviously?!

Ok.. at least Eve was a tad paranoid as there weren’t any other females around at the time.. However, reality is that in today’s world, one cannot escape interaction with people – including that of the opposite gender, especially in the working arena and for that matter even at church.  Times are different and two incomes are better than one … in many cases necessity drives the wife to work as well as care for her kids.  Both husband and wife are not exempt in having to mingle with the opposite gender, let alone work late.

A female watches other females ogling her partner and becomes like a green eyed monster. She keeps nagging him not to talk to those other girls and is constantly watching out as to how she can monitor his activities. Suspicion drives her to eternally be on pins and needles, expecting the worst to happen or rather, imagining the worst to have already happened.  Worse, she takes matters into her own hands and takes measures to bring conflict between the two.  She suffocates him with her ‘love’ and is pleased with herself as she thinks she seriously cares about her man, that she loves him truly and thus wants him to herself.

That’s not a practical situation, especially when the females are working alongside with the man, even more so in a team.

Having been in the ‘man’s field’ in the past myself, I seriously get irritated with comments like, “It is temptation working alone with men, you should give up your job”!  (None of these people had ever visited me, let alone when I’m alone and sick… and here they were giving me advice to give up my income too.  Obviously these people were ‘outsiders’ – those who point fingers because if these words were said out of love, there would have been actions of love in other areas too.  Seriously, I have never encountered ‘temptation’ with any of the guys whom I worked with, I was simply one of them!  Even my clothing would be similar to them.

Hey hang on a moment, it’s not only females who ‘suffocate’ their partners out of ‘love’…

A guy tells his girl friend what to wear, what not to wear, who to talk to, who not to talk to…. the list keeps expanding into other areas such as studies, career etc etc.  The girl is so happy (at least during the early stages of a relationship) that she has a guy who loves her and takes care of her.  She loves the ‘suffocation’ as she sees it as a reflection of her ‘love’.

Well, could those two words even go hand in hand? Aren’t they really a paradox? Can one truly love another and suffocate? Could suffocation even be a characteristic of love?

1 Corinthians 13:5-7

  • (Love) does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  (NKJV)
  • Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (NLT)


  • It (love) does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.   (ESV)


  • Don’t skip reading the verses or glance over it… Go back and prayerfully meditate on all three translations… Ask the Holy Spirit to quicken your spirit in areas you need to be alert more and yield more to Him.
Now that is love… Love is God sending His only son to earth as a sacrifice for our sins… Love is Jesus living on earth and dying on the cross for us despite not having committed any sins Himself!!  Love is God giving us freewill, not forcing His way upon us.  Yet He will lead us along His perfect will if we yield to Him.

NO!  Love does not suffocate.. Love does NOT control… Love respects the other person and loves the other person the way he/she is.  Love speaks the truth gently but gives room to the other to make their own decisions…  Love doesn’t try to change the other but encourages to grow in God’s ways, to fulfil God’s plan for that particular individual.

If a person loves the other, they will TRUST..  they will hope for the best.  If a person is a believer (who has truly yielded his/her ways to God), then they will have the faith that God knows the situation.. and that if God is the one who has brought them together then God will see it coming to fruition.

  • If you aren’t married, then God may take away the other for a time and a season to prepare both of you… However He will preserve the two of you for each other from becoming one flesh with another.
  • If you are married, then God will protect what He has ordained.

So how should we go about these situations?

Nagging is never going to help…

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife – Proverbs 21:9

Other Bible translations use adjectives such as “contentious, brawling, nagging, bickering” wife.  It will only drive the person away.  Our insecurities is what drive us to control or suffocate.. Scheming belongs to the enemy.

Couples are comparable helpers.. they shouldn’t be in denial and they should be transparent.  They should speak the truth in love, they should voice their fears in love and not judgmentally.  However, they will trust the partner to do what is right while they keep interceding for the situation.  That’s what a man or woman of God will do  – in faith as their trust is in God, not in what they see or what the enemy can do.

If you believe that your partner is walking in the Lord, then you will see the fruit of the Spirit … and thus you will see self control.  Do you throw away the knives in your house just in case someone uses that to murder another?  How foolish does that sound?  Well, in essence that is the same thing you are doing by suspecting another person of the opposite gender who has to interact with your partner!

Many women go into denial and blame the other woman for ‘seducing’ or ‘tempting’ him. What they don’t want to accept is that many men don’t even tell the women around them that they have a partner.  Is it wrong of the other woman then if she shows interest?  There are other times that the married men try to seduce a woman.  The other woman could be fighting to shove him off.  Is it then fair for the wife to blame the other woman?  No, it’s best we don’t judge the situation but rather take it to the Lord in prayer.

Under three things the earth trembles, ….. an unloved woman who is married… – Proverbs 30:21,23

 God is not happy when a married woman feels unloved… the earth trembles on this account… Take it to Him.. He understands and He will intervene if only you will let Him… Don’t take things into your own hands as you don’t know what God is doing behind the scenes.

 And for those of you unmarried and in a relationship, whether male and female, if your partner is nagging or controlling you and telling you what you MUST do (not suggesting what you could do) then perhaps you need to ask God whether this is indeed the right person for your life.

Love does NOT insist on its own way…. Love does NOT force… Love does NOT suffocate…

Love shows care and love lets go… it doesn’t possess…

First of all test your faith… check your walk with God… Are you walking in Him?  Is the fruit of the Spirit evident in your life?  Is there anything that you are doing to push your partner away?  Have you truly yielded your life to God, to walk in HIS ways – His perfect and pleasing ways?

DO you truly love God?  Do you truly trust Him?  Can you commit your relationship to Him and allow Him to weed out anything that is not from Him?  Can you allow Him to take away the storms if it is His will and are you also prepared to let Him leave the storms and carry you through the storms?

As your relationship with God deepens, your love for others will increasingly be that of His love.. love that is sincere, not self seeking, love that is described in 1 Corinthians 13…


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