Memories of my schooling…. well what better place to start with other than my kindergarten days in the UK? Having joined my mother after a year apart but with my aunt in Sri Lanka, I was very clingy. As a 3 year old, I had begun to call my aunt my mother. Leaving her was really difficult.
I suppose I was a very insecure 4 year old despite being with my birth mother once again. I would sit at the window sill every day crying and waiting for my mother to pick me up. Now looking back, perhaps I had been scared that my mother would leave me there… My teacher got so fed up of my uncontrollable sobbing that one day she actually flicked me on my lips.
Schooling was a very unstable experience for me having studied at 8 schools in 3 countries, and that in 4 settings. I started my schooling (right from Kindergarten) in English medium although prior to that I had been conversing in my mother tongue. A few years later I was thrown into the deep end to school in my mother tongue. My fluency in spoken English took a dip as I was trying hard not only to converse but also to study in my mother tongue. Then the situation reversed during my last year of high school.
Unnecessary to say (I suppose) that I had many understanding teachers who would help me adjust to the language, culture, traditions, settings etc. Yet I have also had some very painful memories with teachers like my Kindergarten teacher who obviously didn’t understand child psychology one bit.
I did well in subjects where the teacher exhibited patience and demonstrated love. (Once again I stress love does not equate to just dancing to another’s tune but also includes gracefully helping people see issues and encouraging them to make changes, yet accepting them for who they are). When I look back I can easily say it all depended on the teacher – it really wasn’t about the subject.
I can still recall my school report when I was about 8 years old. Every subject was graded ‘excellent’ except the ‘dreaded’ subject called HANDIWORK (ohh how it would make me shudder) and a comment about my handwriting… It was clearly mentioned that I needed to learn to patiently set my work. Well is is it a wonder that my writing was scrambled? Blush… I would rush in doing the given sums as I wanted to be the first to finish and win the teacher’s approval! Anyone who sees my craft work (including decorated cakes) and my handwriting now won’t believe I could ever have had such a report in the past!
I’m so grateful that my greatest teacher is my best friend – the Lord Jesus Christ. His unblemished blood that was shed on the cross gave me a clean report from the past. It is in fact as white as snow! That’s HIS grace. My sins have been forgiven and I have been freed from guilt. The biggest perk as a result is being able to approach my Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ without fear.
I AM A NEW CREATION… NO MORE IN CONDEMNATION…
As for the sins (disobedience to God and His Word and His calling) that I commit on a daily basis (hopefully the same sins aren’t committed on a daily basis!!) … well… I’m grateful that God sees my heart and not my appearances… I’m glad that God understands psychological development and the symptoms of issues that rooted in my life through various experiences (childhood, cultural, family etc).
He sees the root cause and doesn’t condemn me for the symptom. Instead by His love and through the Holy Spirit He reveals to me (one by one over a long period of time) hurts that need to be dealt with. He doesn’t push me away when I stumble and slip… He hears my hearts yearnings and my repentant cries.. And I also know through my failures He is working so many things out – all for my good and possibly for the good of someone else and definitely for HIS GLORY!! Whoaaa… I like that!
Ohhhhhhh nooooo… I’m not saying that gives me the license to keep failing… but instead it spurs me on to persevere regardless… and of course by His strength and guidance.
He nudges me onto the right path encouraging me all the while and I don’t need to even try to do something to win His approval… Even before I loved Him, He loved me… He loves me regardless of what I do right and what I do wrong… which motivates me to do what He wants me to do.. After all I know what He wants me to do is the best for me.
I’m glad that despite my ‘unstable’ life, that my security is in the ROCK, that cannot be shaken… Storms may come, storms may go… blessings may come, blessings may go.. but I have run into the strongest tower and found refuge and solace and love there. God is my healer and my refiner…
Guess what, this is not just about me.. but for you too… (if you have already embraced Jesus as your personal Saviour… and if you haven’t, well He is waiting with open arms.. but He won’t force you). And just like the way it is for you and for me, it is also for all the others around us… Which means… umm.. yup it’s tough.. it means that we need to extend God’s grace and mercy without condemnation to them too!