Eligible Bachelor…. Forever!


I’m so glad my days for applying for jobs are well over (well, I hope I’m not speaking too soon here but I don’t see myself going back into working the traditional way ever again).   It entails many tasks and can get rather emotionally draining.  Each cover letter is written according to the resume (curriculum vitae).  One who can work independently is often indicated an ‘asset’ in job postings.  We take pride in being self sufficient… well I must admit that males score higher on this count.  It’s the macho image that boasts “I can do it” more often than a female.  Sorry, but for some reason or the other imagery that comes to my mind right now is a puffed up rooster strutting up and down!

When one can survive alone, why do we need another?  The social scene has expanded… people hang out much but bond less.  It’s all activity / task driven speaking about everything under the sun.  We laugh, we talk – we graze the grass.   Do we know what’s hidden under the mask of these very faces we hang out with?  Do we know what their needs are?   Is the e-world any different?  Despite its many advantages including global networking, technology and a fast paced life has aided destruction to genuine relationships.  We are now able to hide behind the screen and keyboard and speak superficially.  This very media allow us to create fake profiles / usernames and create ‘friendships’.  Can anything built on a false foundation survive?  It will be like the house built on the sand.

Naturally when we treat friendships so lightly, would one take the risk to plunge into marriage?  Marriages are being delayed, postponed or strained and broken…  Often it is seen as an unnecessary entity.  However Alan & Barbara Pease shed light on the other side of the coin – which made the single me cringe with embarrassment. “Marriage has its good side.  It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, tolerance, self-restraint and other valuable qualities you wouldn’t need if you stayed single.”  So yes, as tough as marriage can be at times, looking at it from this perspective makes you realise marriage builds up a better person.  It gives meaning to life.

Most importantly though, we know marriage is ordained by God.  He created mankind, He created them male and female and told them to ‘be fruitful and multiply’.  The Muslims put us to shame – look at the way they marry and procreate and spread.  Are we doing so?  We talk about sharing our faith, but we hold back on expanding in the way God has blessed us biologically!  Why?  We have so many reasons… we want to develop our career or fulfil our goals to first purchase material possessions or we want to build up our bank accounts as child rearing is expensive (of course we need to trust the work of our hands, come on God is just up there for us to call Him when we need something beyond all this) etc.  It’s all about me, my thoughts and my plans. Or although we profess we have healed from the failed relationships of the past we really haven’t and thus we are scared of another failure.  We thus retort to covering up our insecurities with our achievements.

Albert Mohler writes in his article http://www.albertmohler.com/2004/08/19/looking-back-at-the-mystery-of-marriage-part-one/, “Other problems are closely associated with this delay of marriage. Speaking to this group of Christian young people–an outstanding group of young Christian disciples and leaders–I pointed to what sociologists now describe as “extended adolescence”–a period of life that now is extended well into the twenties and even early thirties by many young adults, often young men, who have trouble making the transition to adulthood. I urged these young Christians to seize the biblical concept of marriage and all of its glory, to understand that God has set this covenant before them as expectation, and to channel their energies toward getting married, staying married, and showing God’s glory in those marriages.”

It comes naturally to (most) women to want to get married and breed as she is wired that way.  More often than not males are the ones who are scared of commitment.  Ah, just because an eligible bachelor has had a series of failed relationships doesn’t mean he isn’t scared of commitment.  Rather, it is just that… He goes for partners with whom he subconsciously knows that a relationship won’t work.  It suits the eligiblebachelor well when someone dissuades him from the relationship pointing out ‘lack of compatibility’.  It doesn’t help that the females generally outnumber the males in churches.  This leaves the woman in a place where she is unable to get married as choices of a suitable godly man are decreasing!   We are left with eligible bachelors who remain eligible forever!

Albert Mohler raises a challenge, “A civilization that fails to encourage its young men to accept adult roles and adult responsibilities–especially the responsibility of marriage–is sowing the seeds of its own destruction.”  The man’s sin (disobeying God’s commandment to marry) is leading to the women sinning too!

Don’t lose heart oh sister who is longing to become one with a man after God’s own heart… God is bigger than our failures… Look to Him and He will grant the desires of your heart in His timing.  Yet do intercede for these single men.

  • Men, you may have your ‘right’ reasons for extended adolescence.  However are those reasons ‘right’ if they are leading you to disobey God’s Word?

God calls us to relationships.  The two greatest commandments that sum up all the laws and commandments are about relationships – with God and with each other.  It’s not about career or material possessions and definitely not about independency. Having those things are not wrong, as long as they are not at the expense of relationships.  We cannot truly love if we are independent or self sufficient.

Eligible bachelors remaining eligible forever – is this pleasing to God???


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