Spiritual Jealousy

Envy is one of the acts of the fleshly sinful nature.  Selfish ambition is also listed in that.. Do the two of them go hand in hand?  Wouldn’t there be envy where there is selfish ambition?  Envy at the prospect of someone else getting something you are targeting for yourself..

Of course there is a natural tendency to have a pang of jealousy I guess.. but what we do with that is what makes it a sin.  Do we instantly deal with it or do we dwell in it and let it grow?

I know there was a time (that has passed now) when I would hear the exciting news of my friends getting pregnant.  A little bit of jealousy (I admit) would run through me and I would touch my stomach and ask God when will I be blessed with a partner, let alone a baby.  I was never career minded and always wanted to be a wife and a mother to a few kids mind you – that was my ambition!  Yet, despite the tears that roll down my cheek at those times, I would  pray sincere blessings and God’s protection over my friends.. and I will be there to help them in anyway that I possibly could.  I have had the privilege of accompanying some of my friends when they were pregnant for a scan while I wait with the older kids.  And I thank God for the times I have had to enjoy their blessings –  carrying their bundle of joys and playing with them as they grow older, helping them with their studies…

I guess the spiritual realm is not exempt from our jealousy pangs.  Some people grow in the Lord in an accelerated manner.. they have an exponential growth compared to the steady slope of an increase in another.  It’s not because they are greatly favoured by God but it’s because they hunger and thirst for God with great intensity.  These people are then filled with much more.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. – Matthew 5:6

Hunger and thirst are our basic needs… It’s what sustains us, to know we need to eat and drink.. it’s the essence of life!  Those who seek God with that essence of life will be filled..  If any of us have a pang of spiritual jealousy that doesn’t go away but rather makes us spring into action of trying to lord it over the other that is growing, or trying to minimise what God is revealing to them or what He is teaching to them, or cutting them short without hearing them out as we know better..  then we really need to take a check.. and allow God to search our hearts.

I hear Him speak..

Search Me and you will find Me… Searching Me comes at a cost.. Not when it suits you or when you feel like it.. but when you hunger and thirst for me, I will fill you.  I will show you greater revelations .. Your spiritual eyes will open.. and you will see things you could never have imagined or comprehended. 

If you hunger and thirst for Me, your life will be turned around inside out, upside down.. It will not conform to the ways of the world or in order to please others with a good name.. On the contrary it will be a controversial life!  Wouldn’t people have laughed at the tiny David not even being able to bear the armour and thus shrugging it off yet standing in front of this giant Goliath?  Wouldn’t onlookers have laughed at Noah building an ark in a mountainous area expecting a flood? 

Yes, the people of this earth will see the things of what belongs to Me as foolishness… and I will shame them with that very foolishness.. To hunger and thirst for Me,  means to stop conforming to the way of the world..  to do things that may seem foolish to them.. Are you ready to make a fool out of yourself in obedience to Me?

If others are getting jealous of you spiritually, rejoice in Me.. as that is Me taking you to higher places!

If you are getting jealous of others for their spiritual growth to the extent of putting them down or snapping at them, then seek the Holy Spirit to search your heart and show you where your priorities are not right.

I give you free will just as much as I give others free will.  You have no right to lord it over others and command them what to do.  You will not do that if you have your relationship right with me.. The deeper you grow in intimacy with Me, the more you will echo My heartbeat in your entire being.  The fruit of My Spirit will be increasingly evident with the intensity of the acts of the flesh steadily decreasing.  You will speak the truth but with My love… You will discern and judge but you will also know that mercy triumphs over judgment.  I send you out into this world as sheep amidst wolves.  When you are filled with Me, you will learn to be harmless as doves and shrewd as serpents.

When you are walking in intimacy with Me, My love will flow in you and through you… Your words will not be cutting remarks, but rather those that build up with a heart that is open to listen to what the other is saying.. I love you My Child, and I long to have a deeper intimacy with you.

 There is no favouritism in Me.. If you seek My voice, you will hear me.. You will hear my voice in ways you could have never imagined..  You will see greater things..

Come My Child.. are you going to hunger and thirst for me with your every essence of your being?

And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart – Jeremiah 29:13

 “This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it—the LORD is his name: ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’  – Jeremiah 33:2-3

I … yes just “I”

While laying out the Johari window as an image for a ministry project,  I wanted to highlight the “I” and the “You” in the relevant titles.  No matter how much the “I” is bolded or increased in size or added colour for emphasis, it still doesn’t stand out as ‘you’ or the other words would when emphasised.

The letter I is just only me, just one person and one letter.  It’s not really significant to make an impact!  However words such as you, or we, or us can be highlighted and emphasised much.  I must admit I was pretty fascinated by this observation.

If we want to make a difference, we need to let go of the “I”, of our ego, of our pride.. we can’t stand self centred.. but we need to rally up with others to join hands with us.. and to step forward to make the difference, to stand out, to impact!

I thank God that a number of my friends are contributing their knowledge, experiences, expertise, talents, prayers, words of encouragement.. etc.. towards the mission that has been on my heart for 13 years, and which WE are now stepping into seeing it being materialised by bringing our gifts to the table along with some new people that God has connected me with!  It’s been so beautiful to seeing people want to step up to the plate to see this mission unfold.  (You may be wondering what this mission is all about, there is a testimony behind all this obviously… but I’m just waiting for the right time to reveal it to all of you – and who knows some of you too may want to step up to the plate to see a greater impact!).

All these years, although I have somewhat been on the field alone, without the words of encouragement, the hugs of love, the continued intercession and waging warfare, the financial gifts from my friends, without their coming together as a body of Christ, all these ministries of the past and present (being a vessel of love to those who are broken, writing, helping other ministries, hospitality, prophetic intercessory ministries) would not have shaped up.  It is with the other parts coming together with me is how all the ministry takes place.  God uses His Body to bless us and bless others through us.. it’s a continual flow of His river of love as the various forms of gifts mentioned above!

No matter how much we attempt to highlight our “I” (ego, pride, self sufficiency, independency…. etc) it can only go a limited way.

Let My river of love flow… do not hoard your gifts and do not try to establish your kingdom proclaiming My name!  I bless you to bless others for My Kingdom.. If you love me, you will know your purpose on earth is for My Kingdom.  You will long to and desire to see the gifts and resources that I have given you and identify the gifts and resources that I have give others in your life, to bring it together to see My Kingdom come.

You cannot be independent if you are My child as all My children are the different parts of the Body, no part is better than the other and not even one part is not important.  ALL are equally important. I  have placed each one strategically according to each one’s calling.. to bring the gifts together and move forward as one. 

What have I given you –  the talents, the gifts, the time, the money, the love, the grace, the mercy, the discernment, the wisdom?  What are you doing with it?  Are you using them to establish your own empire (whether your family or your church..) or are you using them to build up MY Kingdom?  Is it not I that gives you your talents?

If you love Me, you will love those around you whom I have placed in your life – people whom I have created in My image and in My likeness.  You will do good to one another especially to the  family of believers.  If you love Me with ALL your heart, soul, strength and mind, you will love one another as yourselves.  You will want them to flourish in Me as seeing others flourish is also seeing My Kingdom expand.  You will come into My strong tower for your refuge and run into my embrace for love and restoration.  Likewise, you will encourage others to do so.. 

Seek Me, My child.. it’s time to let go of the “I” and love Me with all what you have and love others as yourselves.  Don’t treat others the way you wouldn’t want to be treated.  I have given you free will so don’t lord it over others.  Seek Me, My child… do not conform to the ways of the world but by the renewing of your mind, be transformed and understand My PERFECT and PLEASING will for your life!”

“I” doesn’t value people… it values the self and thinks highly of self.

A believer is never to be independent

but rather will be dependent on God”

and inter-dependent with the rest of the parts of the body!

GOD Things Not Good Things

This is a tug of war of my heart at present… It’s easy to let go of the what we perceive to be the bad things, the evil things, the wrong things.. But what isn’t easy to let go of the GOOD things which are not GOD things…  And sometimes our choice friendships form a big chunk of the good not God things..

The longer the friendship has been, the harder it is to walk away..  I’m not talking about dating or courtship type of friendship here. I’m talking about friendships with people that we have maintained for many years.  It’s easy to walk away from those who are outrightly abusive or evil.  Yet what is hard to close doors that seem to be good but not of God.  Don’t take me wrong, they may have been of God for a time and a purpose but they could have now resorted to simply ‘good’ not God.

There has been such a struggle in my life.. I have been realising for a long time the distraction for wanting approval from this friendship I have valued over the years.  She has been there for me a lot.. However, I have realised that often her responses to some of my concerns of not being in God’s will have been contradicting what God was calling me to do.  There was a time and a season where I did walk away from her… after explaining my predicament.  Yet I resumed my friendship with her and hoped that things would change.

However as the months turned into years, I noticed the intensity of her reaction was getting stronger.  Then I realised that she would snap at me in a rather religious self righteous tone, “I can’t see why you can’t do that” and I would also think, ‘ya she’s right’ forgetting it was contradicting what God had told me to do or what God was doing in me or through me.  Her focus was on doing right by people but God had been trying to teach me that He works in ways completely different to that, we need to discern His plan which can only happen by NOT conforming to the ways of the world.

Recently I have noticed I have been able to say ‘NO’ and do what I believe is of God… and as a result I have been seeing more snapping and cutting me off half way of what I’m saying. I also began to sense being treated like a child who doesn’t know anything, under valuing all the time I spend at God’s feet… even a little doubt that there was spiritual jealousy began to nag me.  But yet, I just put it down to her going through a stressful time.  Yet every conversation with her led me to being agitated..lack peace… negativity..  I also realised I had to be extra cautious in what I do share with her as her defending the other person who is hurtimgs me intensified with my emotions and feelings amounting to being uncalled for.  It had been happening all along but now I began to see the increase of it, like I was supposed to be hurt and let them do it.

The last few weeks, whereever I turn, I seem to be seeing words of prophecies confirming the conviction of what God is saying.  Yesterday this was the icing on the cake:

The first step to closing negative open doors in your life is to recognise that you have them!

– Dan Lee.

I saw stars – I had just shared a few days ago with another friend that at least I’m now realising the pattern and recognising my healing, in learning to love myself too and of course learning to safeguard what God has imparted to me.  God speaks to us FIRST about what He would want us to do.

I commented on Dan Lee’s FB status of the above quote, and he replied:

Even friendships can become toxic over time.  You either need to purify it or need to let go

Dan Lee.

Yes.. that’s what had happened.. it has become toxic over time. It happens so subtly that you don’t really realise it.. and not everyone who loves God is godly either.  There are people with whom you can TALK.. and when you ‘talk’, they LISTEN – not listen to hear it with one ear and let it out the other but listen to mull over it.  They may be defensive at first but little by little you see change taking place.  Being defensive is often a natural instant reaction…

However, there are those who just cut you off when you attempt to speak to them.  With such people you can’t purify the friendship but you just have to let it go.

As I began to reflect on the years of friendship, I recognised the negative open doors opening wider and wider… I realised that a lot of the delay in breakthrough in my life was seeking her approval and responding to her snapping even though it was opposite to what God was saying.  She would focus on the ‘good’ of each thing but I know God has been teaching me for years, when you take God out of GOOD you are left with O (nothing).  Now I realised that the snapping was a means of control and I had been falling for it.

The moment I began to say NO to her snapping responses and stood firm, I noticed many of the things that I was supposed to be doing began to get completed or breakthrough happening.

We can love God and do things out of a legalistic approach.  However, if we sincerely love God, legalism will fly out the window and we will live for the moment being led by the Holy Spirit. Jesus tells Nicodemus that the Holy Spirit is like the wind – we don’t know which direction it will come from or go to.

Live at peace with one another as long as it depends on you.  If you are getting agitated by a friendship – then perhaps there is something within you that you need to deal with, that you know you are being convicted

of doing something that is not of God


not doing something that is of God.

Ask God which one it is and respond swiftly.

  • If being at peace with the other doesn’t depend on you, if they refuse to talk about it, then walk away..
  • If being at peace with the other does depend on you, that you are the one who refuses to talk about it because you are being defensive and it challenges you, then you need to seek God to search your heart. You can keep running away from God like Jonah did but it will catch up with you sooner than later – or if it’s later, it can cost you your intimacy with God and miss out.

Surrender to the Holy Spirit’s leading right now!

It will come to pass…

A beautiful red rose caught my breath.  All I could think of at that moment was LOVE and PASSION.. Even as I was still caught in the moment, a rainbow appeared on my right with the rose being on my left side.  I simply knew that God was reminding us that He loves us with an everlasting love and that He is always there, He makes His presence known, He is faithful.

The vision then completely changed to a huge ship and an ocean, a scene that didn’t make sense at all.  Even from a distance it was obvious that this ship was huge, more like a cruiser.. and it was VERTICALLY standing in the sea.  Half of it was buried almost as if it was STUCK.  It stood without wavering.  What was strange to me was that the ocean was CALM and so was the atmosphere.. a picture of serenity.

This vision was a couple of days ago and it was imprinted on my mind such that i couldn’t shake it off.  I kept reflecting on it and sought the Lord.

It suddenly made sense and today I felt I had to share it too.

“I love you with an ever-lasting love, a gentle touch that blows you over that you cannot remain the same again if you have experienced My love.  My presence is with you all the time even at times you don’t perceive it.. I am faithful and what I say will come to pass.

My ways are higher than your ways, My wisdom is higher than your wisdom.. Yes, a mighty ship cannot be over turned let alone stand vertically in the ocean when the atmosphere is serene, it takes a violent storm with crashing waves and a forceful wind – that’s in your perception, in the limited human wisdom.  But I do not operate in the box.. I go beyond that to demonstrate My power, I use the foolishness of the world to shame the wise… No opposition can stand against you beyond the time I have permitted.  No mighty ship that human hands build is mightier than me.  I just have to SPEAK the word, I can overturn it..

Whatever schemes of the enemy that has stood in your way, I have now overturned and My peace I leave with you.  What I say will come to pass.. the plans of the enemy will be thwarted in a jiffy, in the blinking of an eyelid.  No trouble what the world brings can thwart My plans.. I have overcome the world and My peace will transcend ALL understanding.  I am THE One who created the earth.. When it’s time for My plan to unfold, NOTHING can stop it. 

Faith is in the unseen.. do not look at things the way the world looks at it.  Do not make decisions with what you see in the natural.   What I promised will come to pass and ABSOLUTELY nothing can stand in the way when the time has come.. I work beyond the natural.. I work in the SUPER natural.. and I will be glorified.. “

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John  16:33

No weapon forged against you will prevail – Isaiah 54:17

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds – 2 Corinthians 10:4

Assurance through Presence

Day by day, evening by evening, His marvellous handiwork mesmerises me.. has my feet pasted to the balcony floor.  As I try to take it all in, I lean to my cameras to preserve the memories and to share with others – even though they don’t do justice to the real thing I admit.  Yet it does give a glimpse to what is really going on…

I reflect on the pictures as I download it to my laptop and resize them to upload to social media.  So much time goes as I gaze and ‘oooooh aaaah’ at these views that simply blow me away.

The featured image was taken yesterday and I just felt that God was speaking through it…  I kept gazing at it and seeking God’s voice.

All I can see is the palm of God’s hand with the fingers… so bright that it appears as flames of fire… The magnificence of His glory and the power of His mere presence… it’s overwhelming yet assuring  all at the same time.  I see an eagle soaring high in the presence of God…

I hear God say,

“Do not be anxious about anything, My righteous right hand upholds you.  Did I not just say the word and the creation came to being?  Do I not hold the suns and the stars and moons and all the Universes in place? 

If My spoken word can have such power, how much more will My hand be able to protect you My child?  Why do you doubt Me for even a moment?  I am the one who knitted you in your mother’s womb.. I saw you even before you were formed, I saw you full well.

Wait on ME.. come into deeper intimacy with Me… rest in Me…  I am the one who feeds the birds in the sky and the lilies in the fields.. Do they not go on exhibiting their beauty to all?  How much more precious are YOU to Me?  You – I  have created you in MY image and MY likeness.  Understand that I am your Father who takes much delight in you.  Do not get distracted by the things of the world.  Do not chase meaningless things..

Come sit with Me.. and you will be strengthened and renewed.. You will soar like an eagle in My presence.. And My name will be glorified.  I have revealed my glory to You.. and those who have eyes can see..

No one can snatch you away from Me… no harm can take place without My knowledge.  I have loved you with an everlasting love.  Even if a mother forgets her baby at her breast, I will never forget you.. just come to me and soak in My love.  My love isn’t like the human love.. and I know your needs.. I am the One who sustains you..  Do not worry about tomorrow… each day has its own troubles.  You will have troubles but My presence is with you and I give You peace.  I satisfy you with good things

Run into My outstretched arms.. Taste and see that I am good”

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me – Isaiah 49:16

.. Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint – Isaiah 40:31

Praise the LORD… who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s  – Psalm 103:5

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him – Psalm 34:8

Lifestyle Witness…

I suppress a big smile when I hear that being said.. “Oh no, that person isn’t a life style witness… We can’t take that person on – it will be like promoting such behaviour”.  That’s a value statement of many Christian organisations… Often the lifestyle witness which they refer to, was of the past with a label that is carried onto the present, a label that was stuck by these very Christians too.

It makes me smile on many counts.  First it is thus deduced that they are good lifestyle witnesses and thus why they are there in those institutions to begin with.  Unless someone else has their standards of being righteous, they can’t join the elite group.  It reminds me of a scripture passage that Jesus narrates!

“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” – Luke 18:10-14

Those who frown at other peoples’ pasts simply do not know the grace of God..  Some would justify their values by stating that they don’t have a problem with the person’s past but if those people are promoted then it would be perceived by others that they are promoting the problem, advocating such behaviour.  This statement in essence actually shows that they do indeed have a problem with the person’s past as they are seeing the person through the label and encouraging others to do the same by their oppression of the person.

I am so grateful that God isn’t that way, that His love, grace and mercy sees beyond appearances and doesn’t judge like human beings do.

I think of Saul murdering all those who believed in Jesus.  It was this very Saul that had an encounter with God…. and God chose this murderer to make a 180 degree turn in his life.. this Saul transformed to Paul…  and boy what a missionary was he, chosen not only to expand the Kingdom of God but also to be a vessel for God to inspire His Word through!  What a great privilege.

I think of Rahab who had been a prostitute at the time – she protected the spies.  God elevated her to marry Salmon and placed her on the genealogy of Christ!

I think of the Samaritan woman at the well.  She had had 5 husbands and she was living with a man.  God knew her circumstances and her choices – obviously forced choices beyond her wish… She readily confessed to Jesus – who at that point was a complete stranger to her.  Jesus didn’t tell her ‘go sin no more’ but instead called her WOMAN which at those times in that culture was a term of RESPECT.  Jesus obviously knew His acceptance and love would touch this woman and there was no way she was going to keep quiet this beautiful experience she had.  She RAN to those who had outcast her and told them, “He knew all that I had done”.  The entire village was saved!  Why did Jesus have to speak to the OUTCAST crossing all cultural boundaries, to the point of making the disciples wonder what was going on too!  Why would He choose a divorcee and an adulterer in that case?

I think of David falling into one sin after the other – he was an anointed person by God at this stage mind you.  His heart was hardened, and ultimately God sent Nathan the prophet to speak into his life.  David was convicted and he repented with a broken and contrite heart.  God called him a man after His own heart.  God didn’t demote David at this stage.  Couldn’t He have done so saying ‘he was a murderer, an adulterer, failed in his role as king’ etc?

Does God’s forgiveness mean He is promoting those sins (of all those above)?  Obviously not!  Any person with a deep intimacy with God would know God FORGIVES and cleans the slate of those who confess, repent and make a change in life!  For those of us who choose to keep a black mark on those God has forgiven and thus view them consistently with the black mark and oppress them, then God will use the same standard for us too.

All of us have fallen short of His glory – me inclusively obviously!  We fail at some point or the other..  Read the acts of the fleshly nature!  How many of them do we exhibit daily?

Sins are not about good or bad but NOT DOING WHAT GOD IS ASKING US TO DO!

Not loving others as ourselves is a sin too.  Not responding to God’s calling on our lives is a sin too.  Jesus rebuked the Pharisees (the religious leaders) calling them hypocrites because they had…

neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness Matthew 23:23

Where do you stand today?  Do you fall into the category of the self righteous Pharisee who find reasons to oppress or do you fall into the category of David, the Samaritan woman, Rahab, Paul etc etc who had their sins forgiven and became changed people whom God ELEVATED and promoted.  No man can stop what God has planned.. no Pharisee can stop it either..

God doesn’t look at your past.. He looks at your present.

He doesn’t look at appearance… He looks into your heart..

You are special in HIM no matter what others say..

A broken and contrite heart He will never despise.. He will never oppress ..

He will release from captivity and PROMOTE PROMOTE PROMOTE

A lifestyle witness isn’t the behaviour – but rather it’s the JOY OF THE LORD  and the FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT is what reveals where your walk is.

From The Father…

I have the power to change things. I know you full well – more than you know yourself My dear child.  Remember, I know your comings and goings.. and each word even before it comes onto your tongue.  Don’t kick yourself for it… I know your heart. I am one who looks beyond appearances.  I know everything that takes place.  I know it ALL.  Do not despair. 

Turn to Me…. Allow My Spirit to lead you in the way you should go.  Remember that I sent My Son on behalf of You.  Now YOU are mine too – if only you would yield to Me!  Yield to My outstretched arms and allow Me to embrace you and comfort you.  No other can satisfy the void in your life but Me.  Don’t go running after horses and chariots and the work of your hands.  It’s Me that you need.. and I’m right here for you, without condemnation but full of My perfect love and grace  I don’t love like man does so do not try to understand love through your experiences.  Just turn to Me My child and as you long for intimacy with Me you will understand what TRUE LOVE is all about.